The Random House of Madness
by drowningsiren
Summary: What happens when characters from Invader Zim,Fooly Cooly,Shaman King,Full Metal Alchemist, Danny Phantom,and The Venture Brothers are thrown into the same house 2 liv 2gether? Pure chaos that's what!Parody of The Real World. Rated T for V & L! Yipee!
1. Chapter 1

The Random House of Madness

Introduction of DoOm

Disclaimer: We all know what I'm going to say. None of the shows I mention in this fan fiction belong to me, but there is my name on a delicious-looking ham sandwich!

All was quiet in the suburbia of a city. At least it was for anyone who wasn't a paranormal investigator or an exiled alien attempting to conquer Earth.

"Someday Zim, I will expose you for the horrible alien that you are! I'll reveal your evil intestines!" Dib and Zim were having a heated battle over God knows what. "Filthy stink-beast! No one will reveal my superior intestines so long as I can help it!" Not too far away, in some fancy limo, some MTV producers were bearing witness to the entire thing. One of the producers was unhealthily skinny, the other, unhealthily large. "Those two... they're perfect for our new show!" The skinny one shouted, pointing at the fighting pair. "Yes... You do have a point! We must seize them imediently, before VH1 can claim them!" As soon as those words were uttered from the large man, the limo accelerated into full speed, directed to the oblivious Dib and Zim.

"You might as well head back to your home planet, Zim! I now have photographic evidence of your existence!

"You troublesome human! I'm going to do what I should've done long ago- DESTROY YOU!" but before Zim could carry out his plans, the limo snatched them both from the park and drove off.

Meanwhile, in Tokyo...

Down the bustling highway rode a mysterious rider in a yellow Vespa. She stopped in front of a pachinko parlor. She took off her goggles and helmet to reveal her short bright pink hair and cat-like yellow eyes. You couldn't tell at first that she was an alien, but that's what she was. Currently she was on the run from the Galaxy Space Police Brotherhood (the organization she was once part of) because she disobeyed orders and fell in love with an earth boy named Naota. They expected her to leave the planet, but luckily for Haruko, the alien in question, she was a very unpredictable being. And that is why the MTV producers came for her...

On a train departing from a city named Aqoya, only two people were onboard. One was a boy in black wearing a red trench coat, the other was a man in a suit of armor. Or so anyone who came across the Elric brothers thought. Edward (the one in the red trench coat) was a State Alchemist, or what the general population would call a dog of the military. He tossed back his blond hair to stare at the ceiling. "She said to look in Xenotine. I'm sure the Philosopher's Stone is there." He looked to Alphonse(the one in armor) surprisingly his younger brother. "But brother, are you sure Psiren wasn't lying? She had lied to us before." Al said. Years ago, the Elric brothers tried to bring back their dead mother using alchemy, but failed. In the process, Edward lost his left leg and right arm, while Alphonse lost his entire body! In fact, that is how Edward lost his right arm; he cut his it off so that he could attach his brother's soul to a suit of armor. Pretty strange, I know, but compared to other attempts at human transmutation, they were lucky. Lucky that they knew a good auto-mail mechanic. (A/N: to those of you who don't know, in Full Metal Alchemist auto-mail is prosthetic limbs made out of steel.)Suddenly, before the brothers could continue their conversation any further, the emergency exit hatch broke open, and in flew the skinny MTV producer. Edward freaked. "Who the hell are you?" he exclaimed, pointing an artificial finger at the producer. "Nighty-night." said the producer, pulling out a taser and shocking the older brother. "Brother!" but before Al could take action, he was tasered as well, knocked out (wow, can that really happen?) As the producer kidnaped Edward.

"A thousand push-ups! Now!" Back in Tokyo, far from the pachinko parlor, the hopeful to-be-Shaman King was enduring his greatest challenge yet: his fiancee's training program. "But Anna, I've already ran twenty-five miles, did five thousand crunches, and swam three times across the river in the park. And that was only today! Can I please take a break?"

"No breaks until next month! Now do a thousand push-ups before I make it two thousand!"

An unhappy Yoh trudged off to the back yard when suddenly something happened. "Anna..."

"What!"

"There's a scary guy in a business suit who's here to see you."

"If it's another salesman I'm going to send him to the spirit world long before his time- " But Anna's words were cut short, for the moment the 'scary guy in the business suit' saw Anna, he threw a sack over her and ran off, carrying her with him. Yep, that was another producer.

"Sam! Tucker! Give me the thermos! Now!" A certain half-human, half-ghost was wrestling off a wolf ghost at the pier. Sam, the one holding the thermos, tossed it at her friend. "Here Danny! Catch!" That's just what Danny did. He opened the lid, rendering the wolf ghost powerless as he was sucked in. "PERIMETER SECURE!"shouted Tucker, giving the peace sign in a triumphant manner. " 'perimeter secure'?" Sam turned to Danny. "Aren't you glad you let me and not Tucker manage the thermos?"

"Yeah, I remembered what happened last time." Danny shuddered as he remembered Tucker's clumsiness bought them another night of rounding up ghosts bent on bringing havoc onto their small town called Amity. "C'mon, I said I was sorry. I won't manage the thermos anymore."

"HA HA! I AM THE BOW GHOST" the said ghost emerged from the walls, with a determined look on his face. Danny, Sam, and Tucker groaned. "Not you again." Danny murmured, rubbing his forehead due to the headaches the Box Ghost had caused him. "You underestimate the Box Ghost, for now I have friends! BEHOLD!" MTV producers popped out of nowhere. Taking the advantage of surprise, one threw a bolo at Danny. But it wasn't an ordinary bolo, no...It was an **_ECTO-BOLO!_** Spooky, yes? Anyway, it disabled Danny's ghost powers. "Hey! Why can't I phase through this? What are MTV producers doing in an alliance with the Box Ghost? What's going on?" Danny shouted to no one in particular. The Box Ghost smiled. "I'm gonna be on TV!"They dragged Danny away after attacking Sam and Tucker with pepper spray, the Box Ghost following.

"Are you sure you'll be all right Brock? Tijuana is a long ways away from here." Hank, one of the two sons of Dr. Venture, asked their body guard. "I'll be Okay Hank, just try not to cause any trouble when I'm away." Brock Samson remembered the last time he left the Venture Family alone. He was out camping, and Dr. Venture's security system wasn't quite finished. Coincidently, the same night he left Dr. Venture's archenemies Underbeit and The Monarch sent their minions to kill him. Fortunately for the Venture Family the two groups had a conflict which would take a hell of a long time to resolve. The unfortunate side of the story is the security robot wasn't programed who to identify as friendly yet, so they had to remain in the panic room until help came(i.e., until Brock came back) "Don't worry, You two. I've finished the security system. I assure you nothing will go wrong while you're away." Hank and Brock turned to face Dr. Venture. Being a smart type, Dr. Venture fit the bill of stereotypes when it came to physical appearance. He was quite skinny, to a point where it was downright unhealthy, and wore glasses. Dr. Venture was bald, but had a goatee that revealed that in is younger years, he had red hair, which was why everyone that knew him personally in college called him 'Rusty'. Anyway back to the story. "Yeah sure." Brock said. "Look, if you need me, just call my wrist watch." Brock, who all throughout the conversation was seated in his '69 Charger, started the engine. "Hank, while I'm gone, you're the man of the house." As Brock sped away, Hank smirked at his Dad. "You hear that Dad? I'm the man of the house."

After an hour of driving down the highway at the mountainside, Brock knew there was something wrong. For one thing, there was a black limo both behind and in front of him, and for another, ninjas landed atop his car. But Brock, being a secret agent with literally a license to kill, knew what to do. He took his survival knife from his boot and stabbed the roof of the car. One ninja down...

"You minions are completely useless! Not only have you failed to kill my sworn enemy Dr. Venture, you didn't bring tacos back to the lair!" The Monarch was chewing out a new group of minions, who in fact did bring back tacos but ate them all, when a limo landed in the middle of the room (they crashed through a skylight) "What the hell-" but before The Monarch could finish, he was knocked out by means of sleeping gas.

(A/N: yay! I'm finally done with the first chapter! O.K., technically this is the introduction/ how everyone was dragged out of their natural habitat to be put onto a horrible reality TV show, but who cares I'm done! Sorry if it's so boring if it is–It won't get boring in further chapters...I promise! #crosses fingers behind back# just kidding!)


	2. ch 1: reality TV from hell!

Ch 1: reality TV from Hell!

Disclaimer: same as last time.

(A/N: I came up with the title for this story while babysitting. Taking care of little kids for 11 hours a daydoes this to you...)

When Dib came to, he realized he was in strange surroundings with strange people. He was tied to a chair, which was in a circle of eight more chairs, one empty. Only one person he recognized.

" Zim!" Zim, knowing that voice, shouted to Dib "Filthy demon-pigs! Interrupting our fight! If I wasn't tied down I'd destroy you!" A girl in a red bandanna and black dress stirred. "What is the meaning of this? Someone had better explain to me what I'm doing here or there will be a would of pain in store for anyone who crosses me-" Anna's words woke a blond kid in a red coat. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO PUNY YOU WANT TO CRUNCH LIKE AN ANT!" Ed's shouts(the words being originated from a bad dream) woke everyone else up. "What's going on? Where am I? Why does the kid I'm sitting next to have a big head?" Danny's remark was retaliated by Dib shouting "MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"

"Pipe down, you _children_. The Monarch will not tolerate your racket-" The girl with pink hair ( her name's Haruko, okay?) Starred. "Do you always speak to yourself in third person?"

"QUIET! THE MONARCH WILL NOT TOLERATE YOU-"

"HA HA! I AM THE BOX GHOST! I HAVE POWER OVER EVERYTHING CARDBOARD AND SQUARE!"(note: everyone except the Box Ghost is tied down) "Wait! Why is there an empty chair?" Dib's question silenced the others. Everyone stared at the empty chair, which was right next to Dib (on Dib's right; Danny was seated on his left) "That is a good question, Dib-worm. But an even better question is– Why is your head so big?" Everyone present murmured in agreement. "My head's not big!" Dib protested. Suddenly, the double doors no one bothered to notice swung open, and two MTV producers (the unhealthily skinny and the unhealthily large one) came into veiw. The large one, holding a beaver in his hand and petting it like the evil guy he is, began to speak. "I'm sure everyone here is confused, disoriented, and want to go home, right?" Everyone but the Box Ghost nodded in agreement. "WELL YOU CAN'T GO HOME! YOU ALL ARE UNDER CONTRACT NOW AND HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR REALITY TV SHOW! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Eerie silence fills the room. The large producer cleared his throat. "Um, okay then. Anyways, everyone here will be released back into their natural habitat in due time, until then you all have to live together. You will have full access to the liqueur cabinet, and are allowed to party, streak, and all of that wonderful stuff that makes our show so successful. Any questions?" The Monarch raised a hand. "Yes?"

"Can we kill anyone?"

"You can do anything but that, no matter how much of a good show it would make."

"Damn it. I was looking forward to testing the death darts on that large-headed boy." Dib threw his arms around his head. "My head's not big. And how did I get out of these ropes?" deciding his question is better off unanswered, he turned to The large MTV producer. "By the way, whose supposed to be sitting there?" Dib points to the empty seat. "You'll see. Even as we speak, he's being tracked down and captured-" The producer's cell phone rang. "Yes, what is it?"

' _HE'S TAKEN OUT MOST OF OUR MEN- EVEN THE NINJAS! WE'VE TRIED KNOCK OUT GAS, WE'VE TRIED TRANQUILIZER DARTS, WE'VE EVEN TRIED THE ECTO-CUFFS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK ON THE FENTON KID- BUT NOTHING WILL WORK! NOTHING-"_ A beep came from the producer's cell phone. "Tell me about it later, I have another call."

"_NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T HANG UP---" _A dial tone can be heard. We all know what has happened. The large producer responds to his other call. "Hello?"

' _You the one who hired the ninjas to hit me with a truck?' _Instantly, The Monarch recognized that voice. And he also knew what would come. The large producer(sigh, I'm tired of calling him 'the large producer' so let's just call him 'Billy' k?)ignored The Monarch's panicked "WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE".

"Yes, Yes I did." an inhuman growl of anger issued from the phone. _'Then get ready for hell.'_ An explosion followed, and what remained of the double doors was stepped on by Brock Samson. The not-expected-so-soon guest struck fear into Billy's cold producer heart. "EEEEEK!(haha! Billy screams like a girl) Don't kill me! Please don't kill me!" Zim just laughed at this. "Filthy meat-human! You're not so smug now that- what is your name again?"

"I never mentioned my name. "

"JUST TELL ME YOUR NAME SO I CAN GO ON WITH VERBALLY HUMILIATING THIS HUMAN THAT DARED TO CAPTURE ZIM!" The blond and mulleted bodyguard gave Zim a strange look. "John...Smith." If he was going to deal with an idiot, he might as well get some amusement from it. "You're not so smug now that John Smith is here to DOOM your large self, huh? Do you feel lucky? Well? **_Do you punk?_**" It would seem someone has been watching too many Clint Eastwood movies. An awkward silence filled the room. And for a moment, Brock forgot why he was here. Billy cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, now that our last participant is here, we can finally go to the house you will be living in together for the next month. But before we can leave here are some simple rules." He gets out a five-foot long list. "Rule one: no talking to the camera people. You can only talk to the host and hostess of the house, who will inform you of upcoming events and tortures- I mean challenges- that are in store for you. Rule two: everyone is required to wear cat/dog collars with waterproof microphones, and should never be taken off for any circumstances whatsoever. Rule three- yes, large-headed boy?"

"My name is Dib and my head's not big. Anyway, are there microphones in the bedposts and cameras in our rooms?"

"Yes."

"That's very creepy."

"Yes, I know." Crickets can be heard chirping as another awkward silence fill the room. "Rule three: Brock Samson's license to kill is temporarily revoked until the end of the month. Yes Dib?"

"How is this a rule?"

"It isn't."

"Then why say it's a rule?"

"Your questions are annoying! Someone gag him!" One of the floating robotic things from 'the voting of the doomed' shoots a metal strap thing over Dib's mouth. "Failure to comply with these rules will result in a painful explosion caused by the collar you are required to wear. Thank you, now meet your hostess." The double doors had been replaced with new ones, which opened dramatically to reveal... "This is Drowningsiren. She will be your hostess during your stay at-"

"The author's the hostess?" Dib shouted. "Yes. Yes I am." I said. "But...who will be writing while your in the story? Ouch!" drowningsiren had hit Dib upside his large head with an iron wok. "Do not question the author for she has her ways!"

"Why does half the cast have to speak in third person?" Haruko met the same fate as Dib. "Because speaking in third person is fun! Right, Zim?"

"Yes! Zim loves speaking in third person!"

"The world has gone mad." Danny flinched as drowningsiren brandished her wok threateningly. "Right, now that we have established the rules, let's go to our new home! Yes Edward?"

"Why isn't the host here? Is he your husband?" drowningsiren gave Ed a death stare. "God forbid. He's the host because it's his house, and I'm the hostess because I'm doing the cooking. The host isn't here because...well...you'll find out." Everyone piled into the limo, cameramen following like flies follow a garbage truck.

After a very long car ride, they made it to their destination. Everyone save Brock Samson looked out of the window excitedly, expecting a mansion, but were sourly disappointed. The house didn't look that glamorous. In fact, It didn't look nice at all. The windows were boarded up badly, there was no lawn, and there were cracks in the walls. It looked like it haven't been lived in for years. Dib read the address number: 7...7...7. "Oh no..."

(A/N: ha ha! They are living in Johnny's house! Oh, whatDOOM is in store for them now? Wait til chapter 2 to find out!)


	3. ch 2: meet the killer

Ch 2: meet the killer

Disclaimer: The following shows do not belong to me: Invader Zim, Fooly Cooly, Shaman King, Danny Phantom, Full Metal Alchemist, and The Venture Brothers. If I missed somebody, well then, I don't care (gun cocks) on second thought...

(A/N: **'when the writing is like this'** with a character's name, it means the cameramen are interviewing said person.)

"_**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

"Hmm...this has got to be the strangest doorbell I've ever seen." Danny rang the doorbell again.

"**_AHHHHHHHHH!"_** The door cracked open. A unhealthily skinny man(even skinnier than the already unhealthily skinny MTV producer) peeked through the crack. "Yes?" he said in a creepy (and might I add annoyed) voice. "Uhh..." Danny was lost for words.

**Danny: 'when I first saw Johnny, my mind kinda freaked out. I mean c'mon! The guy reeks 'Homicidal maniac' How else was I supposed to react? Give him flowers as a peace offering?'**

(Television screen shows flowers dancing around Danny's head as he says this)

"Uhh..." Yep! Danny's still lost for words. Drowningsiren cut in front of the quite articulate(sarcasm mind ya) half-boy-half-ghost. "Nny, these are the guests that will be staying with us for a whole month!" Johnny, called 'Nny' by many who were unfortunate enough to know him personally, spazzed. "No! I won't have these annoying..._flies_...live in my home!" Nny, who took an instant dislike to Danny, took out his infamous knives with smiley faces for hilts. "I'm going to kill all of you! Your deaths will be nice and slow, I will savor your agonizing screams..." Nny's ranting's was interrupted by the crafty author, who took a swing at the homicidal maniac by means of oriental cookware. "NNY! Do understand that we are here to reinforce the mindless drones of television! **_NOT_** bring impending doom onto the contestants. That's the producer's job." Nny got up to brush himself off, for the floors of his house were very dirty. Zim noticed this. "(shudders) It's so..._germy_."

The homicidal maniac flashed his attention to the Irken. "You don't like my cozy abode? Well too bad! As much as I hate it you're going to be living here for the next month! Or, not living. Depends on if I kill you before the show's over. Oh, yes! I can already imagine your spleen and other organs falling out of your disgusting green body. I like monkeys..." Dib claimed this chance to intervene. "Zim isn't human! He's an alien! He doesn't have human organs!" Nny gave the paranormal investigator a sinister look. "I already know what I'm going to do with you...first I'm going to drill into that overlarge head of yours–Hey, Zim does look like an alien, and a pathetically disguised one at that— to see what makes your head so gargantuan!"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE? **_MY HEAD'S NOT BIIIIIIIIG!"_**

Crickets begin to chirp as yet another eerie silence fills the vicinity.

**Dib: 'I'm so tired of everyone making fun of my head'**

"Well, I guess we should start finding rooms for everyone" drowningsiren sighed. She walked into the creepy house, motioning for others to follow. "Now, most of the rooms in this house is indeed underground. Any room without a red sticker on the doorknob is suitable to live in. Yes, Edward?"

"What about the doorknobs with the red stickers?"

"Those are the rooms that are off limits, with the exception of Johnny, because this is his house." The author glared at her wary puppets of meat. "**_No one, under any circumstances, are to enter those rooms_.**" Then drowningsiren began to giggle. But no, this wasn't the giggles to be heard by cheerleaders, it was giggles from a twisted mind. Then the giggles evolved into a laugh. Soon the entire house was filled with her maniacal laughter( ha ha. That's my evil laugh).

**Anna: 'Our hostess is a nut job. No doubt on that'**

drowningsiren ceases with her laughter, feeling embarrassed. "(clears throat) maybe we should start finding rooms for you guys already."

Most of the rooms in the house had a red sticker on the doorknob. After countless hours of searching (actually it was about two) the gang had found four rooms: one nearest the kitchen, one across from the room with the bloody wall(the one Nny has to paint blood on to keep the monster on the other side from breaking free) one you can find while leaving the living room where Johnny tries occasionally to kill himself but somehow miserably fails. And, the last room, is right next to the bathroom. Haruko and Anna took the room near the living room. Zim, The Monarch, and the Box Ghost claimed the room next to the bathroom. Dib, Danny, and Edward, being teen-aged boys, had stationed themselves in the room nearest the kitchen for easy midnight fridge-raids. Brock moved into the room opposite of the bloody wall room, unaware of the forces he would soon contend with.

Later, somewhere near sunset-

"Dinner!" drowningsiren brought spoon to pan as she alerted the gang. Dib, Danny, and Edward had not needed a dinner bell for they had smelled the aroma of home cooked food and had already gathered at the dining table. Haruko and Anna came next. Considering that they were in their pajamas, they had made themselves at home. Zim, the Box Ghost, and The Monarch cautiously crept out of their room. "What is this smell?" the scent of stir-fried chicken meet Zim and the others's noses. "I made sweet and sour chicken!" drowningsiren stated proudly, "It's my specialty." At the dinner table, two enormous bowls were set, surrounded by little bowls. One of the large bowls was filled with small chunks of stir-fried chicken, the other with homemade sweet-and-sour sauce. "We're eating with chopsticks?" Danny noticed that the said eating utensils had replaced the traditional forks and knives. "Yep"

"Why?"

"Because most of us are used to eating with chopsticks, right?" Haruko, Anna, and Edward nodded in agreement. Dib wasn't bothered with this at all; he would eat with chopsticks every time his sister Gaz and him ordered Chinese for dinner, so he was accustomed. "Zim needs no filthy earth food!" Zim's remark was meet with the iron wok drowningsiren used for both cooking and disciplinary reasons. "Are you questioning my cooking, Zim?" the hostess growled in a menacing way.

**Zim: words do not describe the anger and shame Zim feels for being hit with that earthly cookware**!

"HOW DARE YOU HIT THE FOREHEAD OF ZIM! YOU WILL PAY, OH HOW YOU WILL PAY-"

"Just shut up and eat your chicken, green boy." All eyes turned to Anna, who had already dug in to the food before them. "Hmm. This isn't too bad. Not as good as Rio's cooking, but it's still good." Relieved that someone had taken a first bite, everyone else sat down and spooned whatever portion of chicken they desired onto their plates. Danny and anyone else not too experienced fumbled over the chopsticks, but once they got the hang of it the atmosphere got more comfortable for them. And that's were all the trouble started.

(A/N: I'm **_sooooo_** sorry I haven't updated in eons. My excuse this time is that I've been busy making necklaces for a craft show the locos--whoops! I mean locals– call 'Art in the Park'. Gotta make money somehow! For those of you wondering, the babysitting gig didn't work out too well. Don't get me wrong, the kids were little angels, It's just that my patience goes so far. Anyway, I'm not old enough for a real job–a factor that my sister likes to rub in my face– and I have no car or any other mode of transportation so I'm stuck freelancing until the beginning of next summer– I'm sure I'll be old enough and have a driver's license by then! Man, this is going to be one interesting summer...)


	4. ch 3: what's this 'sea pee are?

Ch 3: what's this 'sea pee are'?

Disclaimer:(singing:) on top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball– _bang! bang! bang!_ (Stops singing)Hey! What's the big idea? Ok, so I **_wasn't_** going to mention that I don't own any of the shows I talk about in this fan-fiction nor the show I'm brutally making fun of, but the hand gun you're holding convinces me otherwise, so...

(A/N: I'm gonna quit it with the whole interviewing thing because not only it's so hard to write, It gets so damn annoying sometimes)

(2nd A/N: this is where the insanity starts...)

"What are you staring at?" Dib glares at Edward, who was sitting across from him, as he chews on a piece of chicken. "Nothing. I just noticed how big your head was-"

"My head's not big!" the entire table falls into silence. "Anyway, you're the one to talk, shrimp." Dib's verbal assault was enough for Edward, and the cameramen who surrounded them. **_"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SOMEONE SO TINY THEY CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS?"_** Tension rose between the two easily offended teenagers. Then, as they both threw insults back at each other, Dib attacked Edward. As the chaos ensued, Zim nibbled a chunk of chicken. "Hey, this isn't too bad." the Irken mumbled to himself. He bit the rest of the chicken from his chopsticks and, lo and behold, he started choking. But this isn't the melodramatic choking you see him doing during lunch at skool, no. Zim, my friend, had a chunk of stir-fried-smothered-in-sweet-and-sour-sauce chicken lodged in his alien throat. "Someone do something!" Danny shouted as half of the cameras circling Dib and Edward started focusing on the left breathless Zim. Brock, knowing that no one at this point had a clue at what to do, rose out of his chair and preformed the heimlich maneuver on Zim. When the secret agent let Zim go, the alien collapsed on the floor. "He's not breathing!" The Monarch would have said this if he wasn't watching the fight. Before anyone can move, Haruko leapt onto the table. **"COME BACK TO LIFE, GREEN BOY!"** she then jumped off the table and took a deep breath, then pressed her mouth over Zim's. After about thirty seconds, the Irken started squirming, a sure sign that Haruko's kiss of life had worked. "Get off me, filthy earth monkey!" Yep, Zim was gonna be okay. "What did you do to me? Zim demands to know!"

"C.P.R. What else?" Zim gave Haruko a strange look. "What is this 'sea pee are'? Some kind of mating ritual?" Even Dib and Edward stopped fighting to stare at Zim. "What?" He asked everyone, who were staring at him. "I'M NORMAL! I'M NOT AN ALIEN TRYING TO CONQUER THE EARTH!" Drowningsiren burst into laughter(Cuz' I never can keep a straight face in situations like these) "What? What's so funny? Zim didn't tell a joke." the author starts pounding the table with her left fist. "Zim (snicker) C.P.R. (snicker) isn't a mating ritual.(snicker)Well, I guess for some people it is, but that aside- It's part of the basics of first aid."

"What's first aid?"

Edward, who was sitting on the floor, gave his adversary a quizzical look. "Is this idiot your archenemy?"

Dib, who was also sitting, nodded. "Yep. Zim's been here for a while now." there was a pause, "He's an alien you know."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Doesn't surprise me. He's very..." Edward glanced at the subject of their now civil conversation, who was being educated in the concept of first aid. "Green." a long silence passed between the two. "What started this argument again?"

"I think you said that my head was big."

"Oh yeah, sorry about that."

"Yeah, sorry about the shrimp comment." once again, a long moment of silence garnishes my writing. "So we're friends again?"

"Pretty much. What's your name again?"

"Dib."

"Interesting name." the alchemist held out his mechanical arm(which was still gloved so no one noticed) "I'm Edward."

Nothing else happened during that dinner. Okay, I'm lying. The Box Ghost tried to gain control of the two super-large bowls but then realized that they weren't square so he just shouted 'BEWARE!' and took off to his room. There I said it. Anyway, Danny, Edward, and Dib were walking to there room. "I wonder where Jhonny went." Dib wondered aloud to his roommates. "I dunno. Probably somewhere that's not near us." Danny shivered at Edward's words, remembering his first encounter with the homicidal maniac. "He did promise to kill us. What if he's planning to murder us in our sleep?" The two former enemies gave Danny a skeptical look. "Relax, Danny. I don't think that he's gonna murder us in his sleep--"

"No! Shut up Shut up **_shut up!_**" The trio stopped in their tracks. They recognized that voice. A voice isn't easy to forget if it's the voice of the one who swore to kill you in a painful manner. "It's Jhonny." Dib whispered. "Where is he?"

"The voice came from this room." The said room had a red sticker on it. "I don't care what the hostess said, let's see what Jhonny's up to." Danny silently turned the rusty door knob and peeked into the room. It was bare, save for a dresser with a cracked mirror set onto it. On the dresser was two Styrofoam dough boys with a creepy paint job on both. It would seem that Nny was talking to them. "Shut up! I'm not going through this again!"

' _But that's all life is, Nny. A painful, vicious cycle of unending s!#$_(to be honest, I have no idea if I could actually type this word and get away with it. Oh well. Better safe than sorry) _But there is one way to break this cycle.'_

"I know what your going to say, Psycho Dough Boy, It's out of the question; I'm not going to kill myself."

' _Why is something so simple as pulling a trigger or leaping off a chair out of the question Nny?'_

"Because the trigger is aimed at my head and there is a noose around my neck as I stand on the chair." Nny wasn't actually standing on a chair or was aiming a gun at his head. Everything Psycho Dough Boy said before was in metaphor. _'You still didn't answer my question.'_

"What?"

'_Why can't you kill yourself? You have no reason for living, nor did you do anything to be proud of; your mind is sick and twisted. If I were you, I'd be dead now.' _

"Well then, I guess I'm lucky you're not me."

Meanwhile, Zim was walking down a hallway when he heard a voice. "I told you, I can't come with you. I'm being held prisoner bysome natives. I think their role in society is to torture people for the amusement of others. (yep. She got that right on the dot) When can I leave? In a month, at least." Zim glanced into the room where he heard the voice. Haruko was talking to a dead rabbit. It had to have been dead for a while, for it was decaying and was attracting flies. A now rusty nail was a dead giveaway( pardon the pun please) to the cause of the rabbit's demise.

"What are you doing?" Haruko looked up at the Irken. Her yellow eyes meet Zim's fake lavender eyes. "I'm transmitting a message to The Pirate King. We were supposed to meet up somewhere 5 million light years from Neptune, but this reality TV thing is kinda leaving me grounded."

"You're transmitting a message using the dead bunny?" Haruko gave the invader a smug smile. "Usually I need to use something alive, like a cat, but since this rabbit is one of the voices in Nny's head, It is in a sense alive." for the next thousand years, a silence fills a room in the house of 777. "You're transmitting a message using the dead bunny?" The pink-haired alien gave the green-skinned alien a look of disbelief. "You really do have a problem with listening."

(A/N end of chapter three! My apologies for not updating sooner, I've been very busy fighting ham demons and lending my Invader Zim DVDs to my wonderful friend( the one who wants to be evil but doesn't have the evil laugh down. That I'm tutoring her on.). Anyway, I'm seriously considering on starting a business making jewelry out of glass beads and soldering wire a normal person uses for stained glass windowing and not for rings or chokers. For those of you who have read my previous work yes, Brandy's ambition of becoming a professional jeweler is based on my own dream. The same thing happened when I announced it in health class. I swear, those jerks who laughed at me are gonna pay!)


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 4: rampant insanity

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. At least not yet. (evil grin)

"Nny! don't do it!" Danny, who had heard the said maniac load bullets into a gun, burst into the forbidden room. The now turned suicidal maniac glared at the boy. "You! You never liked me from the start! So why are you telling me to stop? Don't you want to get rid of me? Have me out of your hair forever?" Danny gave Jhonny a stern look. "You're right on the fact that I don't like you, but that's only because you threatened to kill me- along witheveryone else in this house!" Dib and Edward cautiously crept into the room. "And just because I don't like someone it doesn't mean that I want them dead. Now please, put down the gun. And if you don't, I would suggest shooting those styrofoam doughboys. They're gonna be more of a problem later if they keep it up with their wining." The doughboy that wasn't taking before spoke up. " Hey! I wasn't taking up until now!" Nny gazed at the doughboy that was previously silent. "Mr. Eff. How wonderful for you to join us." If Mr. Eff could move, he would've smiled a menacing grin. "This boy lies to you Nny. So does Psycho Dough Boy. Both filthy _liersss_, doomed to their own ends. But I don't lie, no. I see what the truth holds. Don't let them drag you down, Nny. Destroy them. You know you've always wanted to." Jhonny was silhouetted against the light that came from who knows where. An evil grin emerged from that silhouette. "You're right, Mr. Eff. I always have wanted to destroy that boy the moment I first saw him." Nny raised the gun so that it was aimed at Danny's heart. "Normally I don't like using guns, but for you..." Jhonny slowly squeezed the trigger, still sporting that menacing smile. "...I'll make an exception"

The gun fired. For a moment, it was like the world moved in slow motion. Danny leaped back, grabbed the shoulders of his companions and went intangible. The bullet passed through Danny as if it went through a wisp of smoke or fog. It lodged into the door. Everyone stared at Danny. Edward and Dib with surprise, Jhonny with shock. "H-how? How did you -? The bullet, it went right through you! But—I shot you!" Danny gazed up at Nny with a smile. "It's gonna take more than a gun to kill me." At that instant, Anna walked into the room. "I heard a gun. I thought the rules were that no one was allowed to kill anyone-" And then she spotted Danny, who was still intangible. "I thought there was something odd about you." the future Shaman Queen said to him. Finally remembering what he was about to do Jhonny shook his head. "Fine!" the homicidal maniac throws the gun to the floor. He then took out the knives he always carried with him. "If I can't shoot you, them I'll have to settle with chopping you to pieces!" But before Nny went so far as a few steps, there was the eerily familiar _clang!_ Of a wok. "Hey! It's you!" Their hostess, Drowningsiren, was in a pink bathrobe without her glasses, wielding the said cooking utensil. "You came just in the nick of time, Drowningsiren. He was about to-"

"**_he woke me up."_**

Their hostess said this in an angry and threatening tone that they usually heard from Brock Samson. "I was having such a nice dream, and them I heard a gunshot, which woke me up." Edward ignored her agitated tone. "So ...what were you dreaming about?" The author cast an evil yet mischievous grin. "Ripping the guts out of my classmates and eating them." everyone conscious in the room took a step back from her. "I'm just kidding, guys. No, I was dreaming about someone I knew, and now I realize how much I miss him." Even though the author didn't have her glasses on(I'm nearsighted by the way) she could see that the other's expressions turned from frightened to that Cheshire cat grin that comes about every time I talk to my evil friend concerning such a subject. Drowningsiren blushed "nothing happened! Gezz, you see why I preferred lying to you...no? Well, them. As long as I'm up, I'm going to take a shower—**_AND NO PEEKING!"_** she yelled at the three boys as she left the room. They waited until she was out of earshot. "Damn she's paranoid." Dib said. "Look who's talking, Mr. Zim's-up-to-something." Edward chuckled as Dib growled with anger. "You wanna fight again alchemy-freak!"

"Bring it on Paranormal junkie!"

Meanwhile, Haruko was _still_ trying to explain to Zim how she could transmit a message via dead bunny. "As I've said before-" Crash! Dib burst into the room, screaming his lungs off. "What are you up to Dib-pig? Can't you see I'm in the middle of an important conversa–wow, what is that!" Edward charged into the room, wielding his transmutated hand like a sword(well, that's what it looked like). "What were you saying before Dib? Something about me being short?" Haruko decided that enough was enough. She picked up her guitar, and pulled the cord that made it sound like a chainsaw. "Time to give our friend a hand." she then raised her guitar like an ax, and struck Dib across the forehead, the guitar blasting a hanging tune. Dib hit the wall with such a force. When he recovered, he slapped his hands to where he was hit . "What—did—you—do—to—me?"

Haruko smiled. "I thought I would even the odds." And sure enough, right on cue, Dib's head throbbed. "AHHHHHHHHH!" He shouted, half confused, half in pain. Another throb."AHHHHH!" Suddenly a large blob strained it's way out of the paranormal investigator's head. It fell to the floor with a dull _thud._ Everyone present gathered around it. "It looks like..an egg." Edward, overwhelmed with curiosity, forgot for a moment the reason for fighting. Zim gazed at the egg. "Is it normal for things to came out of a human's head?" he asked Haruko. "Well, not very many people can do this, and this kid (points to Dib, who is unconscious on the floor) is the second one I've met that has this ability. But to be honest an egg was the last thing I expected to come out; I expected robots..." Suddenly the egg twitched. Not predicting this, everyone jumps back. "I think It's gonna hatch!" Yelled the alchemist. The room filled with fearful anticipation. No one dared to move. Slowly, the crack on the egg(that came around at it's first twitch) grew, until finally, the egg burst open. By this time Dib gained consciousness, rubbing his head. "Whoa, what happened...?"He then saw what had just hatched. Spikes ran down it's back and down it's short tail. Dark purple spots spreaded across the thing's small, green, and plump body. It had legs shaped(but not furry) like a kangaroo and short, stubby arms. On it's back were bright purple wings, which, until it grew older, would remain underdeveloped. The creature opened it's eyes which were sideways-tear-drop-shaped. The first thing it saw was the person from which it came out of. "Squeeeeeeeak!" it grinned, showing it's razor-sharp teeth and waddled over to it's 'mommy'. Dib panicked "Ahhh! Get away! Get away!" Dib leapt onto the nearby and convenient dresser, thus evading the little monster. Letting out a squeak of despair, the creature left the room. "What was that?" Edward asked whoever could answer. "A baby Chupacabra." Dib responded, stepping off the dresser.

(A/N: I know, the chapter's pretty short, but who cares? Wow, for once I have nothing to say. No lengthy explanations on how late I am with updating. That's pretty weird. But then again, I live in a weird town. You see, it's one of those towns that whatever can happen will happen. Like...hobos. We got a lot of them here. Sometimes they get entertaining, and other times they're downright scary. Most of them live by the river. I remember this one time, my friend and I were exploring the river bank and stumbled across a hobo encampment! And from that day forward, we have referred to that particular area as Hoboville. I think this will have some importance to the plot...maybe not. Who knows?)


	6. ch 5: an unexpected visitor

Ch 5: an unexpected visitor

(A/N: I made things interesting by putting my love interest in the story(who might I add is a real person I've known since... when was it again? I think Junior High...) Anyway, enjoy!)

Disclaimer: Out to lunch. Be back in 30 minutes

30 minutes later...

The next morning, everyone woke to the smell of scrambled eggs and sizzling bacon. Dib was the first to get up, and the first to scream. For right there, flipping pancakes as best as it could with it's short arms, was the chupacabra. "What is that thing doing here?" Magically, out of thin air, Drowningsiren summoned her mighty iron wok and pummeled Dib in one swift strike. "This 'thing' is my new assistant chef. Since you so _**cruelly shunned**_ the poor thing(I heard everything that happened from Haruko) I decided to take him in as his adoptive mother. Bacon?" the hostess offered him a plate of the said food item. By then everyone was present in the dining room, and had taken their usual seats around the table. Brock was not taking the fact that a baby chupacabra was making the pancakes too well. Instantly he flung his survival knife at the poor thing, which was deflected with Drowningsiren's iron wok.. Their hostess held the little baby close to her, putting the pancakes in horrible jeopardy with the threat of burning, still brandishing the wok. "Never try that again. There is no way that anyone here is going to harm my baby. **_DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"_** intimidated by the motherly ferocity of their hostess, everyone nodded. "Good." instantly, Drowningsiren's mood changed as she gave everyone a perky smile(which, I might add, didn't suit her dark personality and twisted mind; that only made her scarier,)

"Now enjoy your breakfast everyone."

"AHHHHHHH!" that was the doorbell. Drowningsiren went to the door and looked through the peephole. Instantly, she turned a shade of crimson. "Who is it?" Edward asked, chewing on a burnt pancake. Ignoring his question, the hostess bolted from the door and dived underneath the table. "Go answer the door. If he asks, I'm not here." Dib did what she told him to do. On the other side of the door was a guy the same age as Drowningsiren. He was a head taller than her, and had short, flaming red hair. The guy looked into the house with his ice blue eyes. "Uhh...is Raven here?" he had a quiet voice, which gave away that despite his height, he was shy. "I don't think so. But there is a girl hiding under the dining room table." A voice, we all know whose, sounded from the kitchen. "Dib! I'm gonna kill you!"a slight pause, "Let him in!" Dib stepped aside to let the unexpected visitor pass. The two then walked into the dining room. Drowningsiren, who had in five seconds tamed her frizzy hair with water from the faucet, blushed at the mere sight of him. "Hello Drew." Drew smiled. "Hello Raven."

"What? You're name is Raven?" Dib shouted to Raven(I'm so tired of typing 'Drowningsiren')

"Well, that's what my friends call me, so yes!" She shouted back. But when she turned to Drew, she smiled shyly. "So...what brings you here?" Raven asked the tall red head. "I missed you." Seeing this as the perfect time to leave, Anna and Haruko wolfed down their food as fast as Edward eats and stood up "Well, I guess we should all get back to our rooms and get ready for the day ahead." Haruko picked up two of the Boys up by the ear, one in each hand. Dib and Edward squirmed in her grip. Anna did the same to Danny. "Everyone move it! Can't you see they want to be alone? Move it! MOVE IT!" Frightened by Anna's screaming, everyone took they're plates with them and left the room. "So...this is the reality show you talked about?"

"Yeah, I remember they chased me down to Hoboville(see? I knew mentioning it in the last Author's note would be of some importance) Before I realized they weren't the C.I.A.—only worse." There was an awkward silence( as with every time I get writer's block in a fanfiction) then Drew cleared his throat. "Well, uh, where was I? Oh yeah- I was supposed to give this to you." The reasonably attractive red head by the name of Drew handed over a grease stained envelope. "Threatening letter from Mc- Donalds?"Raven asked."Letter informing you of the contestant's first challenge." Raven hesitated before she spoke. "Why does it have grease stains on it?"

"How should I know? I only work at the localmovie theater." It was then that, to the author's disappointment, that Drew turned to leave. "I'll see you around then." And with that, he closed the door. "Yeah... I'll see you around." Raven said sadly. Soon enough, everyone came out of their hiding places. "You really like him, don't you?" Haruko asked their hostess, who blushed. "Does he know you like him?"(Anna talking)

"Yes."

"Then why haven't you asked him out?"(this time Haruko) Dib, who wasn't ready to hear any 'girl talk' interuppted the conversation. "Why do your friends call you 'Raven'?" Raven, who was more ready to answer that question, responded. "To be honest, I don't know. They just called me that one day, and the name stuck." The Monarch broke into the conversation next. "I don't want to hear about your personal life, what does the letter say?"

"What? Oh, yeah!" The Hostess proceeded with opening the letter. Reading it, she smiled. "Everyone, I have good news."

"You're giving us all robot death monkeys?"

"Yoh won the preliminary round?"

"Mysterious Mysteries finally got my pictures of Zim out of his disguise?"

"You found the philosopher's stone?"

"The Pirate King's coming to get me?"

"No more ghosts are coming out from the ghost zone?"

"New carpet came for the lair?"

"You know where **_she_** is?"(Brock emphasized that in a positive manner)

"I AM THE BOX GHOST!"

Raven glanced at all of the guests."None of the above" The gang gave a disappointed groan all in unison. Zim leaped and grabbed the front of Raven's apron (Kids: always wear an apron when cooking or dealing with cartoon characters) "Then what is the good news? Tell Zim!" The hostess brushed the Irken off before continuing. "The Management has announced your first challenge. But before I proceed with the details, everyone: divide into two even teams." Dib, knowing the system, raised a hand. "Yes?"

"In case they haven't noticed, there are nine of us."

"Oh yeah, about that... uh...how should I say this? Dib, since Chupy (yes, I'm naming the baby chupacabra that)came out of your head, he's technically a fellow contestant. Oh, and you're supposed to watch over him because technically you're his mother. Pretty screwed up huh?"

"You mean he has to be on the same team as me?"

"That's technically what I said(I'm under a technicality curse at the moment)" At this news, Dib kicked a nearby object (use your imagination; considering it's 3:30 in the morning mine is temporarily out of wack) "Damn it!" Raven put her hands over Chupy's ears. "Please don't use such language around him. And don't show your frustration, Chupy's already psychologically damaged by your rejection of him." The Monarch cleared his throat. "Well, this is all dandy and stuff but that aside- **_what about the stinkin' challenge?_**" at this everyone's impatient heads gave a nod, exept for Brock, who just didn't care. **_"I WILL TELL YOU THE NATURE OF THE CHALLENGE WHEN YOU DIVIDE! NOW DIVIDE! DIVIDE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER DIVIDED BEFORE!"_** And them Raven started cackling. Very. Very. Loudly. Then she abruptly stopped. "What are you guys waiting for? The National Guard? Start dividing into even teams!"

(A/N: end of chapter! I have no clue what to do for the challenge; I will have to call upon my brilliant brain meats to figure out what to do about this—wait I've got part of it! Something involving Disneyland! Anyway, here's my response to my reviewers:

_To Invader Crystal:_ neat poem. I should print it out in a really neat font and hang it next to the Yin-Yang poster I won at a carnival. No worries though! I won't claim that I wrote it(that would be rude...)

_To SaiyanKing Vegeta:_ I have a lot of interesting friends. One (who introduced me to Drew) once had a habit of eating gummy bears that have, at one point, been up his nose. If you ever meet him, I give you one piece of advice: **_don't eat anything that comes from his pockets!_** I don't care if it's skittles or radioactive potatoes, for da love of anything that's good and holy **_don't eat it!_**

Anyways, on w/ the responses...

_To GenesisDragon:_ Not to worry, **_child of the netherworld! _**As Invader Crystal and SaiyanKing Vegeta know, I always **finish** the stories that I **start**.

Thank you all 4 reviewing!)


	7. ch 6: challenge of DOOM!

Ch 6: challenge of doom

Disclaimer: The monkeys that live in my head agree with me- I do not own anyhing!

On team 1:

Dib, Chupy, Danny, Edward, Anna.

On team 2:

Zim, The Box Ghost, The Monarch, Haruko, Brock.

"Okay! Now I see that you're all _properly divided._" Raven raises her arms over her head for melodramatic effect. "Yes yes that's very nice- NOW TELL ZIM THE CHALLENGE!"

"The winners will spend a week in Disneyland."

"Tell Zim the challenge."

"While the losers are smothered in nacho cheese and thrown into a cage filled with cheese-starved explosive monkeys and a hogulus."

"As if losing was punishment enough."(Edward)

"Tell Zim the challenge."

"And now without further ado-"

"_**TELL ZIM THE CHALLENGE!"**_

"I was just getting there. Geeze Zim..."

"Tell Zim the challenge you filthy pig-smelly of random DOOM!"

"Whatever." And with that as words of advice for the gang, Raven opens up a wormhole right before they're very eyes. Everyone but Brock ohhed and ahhed. "Single file please, no pushing." Dib, who since an incident involving a bus traveling through a wormhole towards a room with a nut-eating moose, was cautious. "Yes Dib?"

"Where does this wormhole lead to?"

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough." Everyone whipped around, for it wasn't Raven who had said that. Nny had just recovered from Raven's wok of fury, a bandage around his head proving so. "Yeah, uh Danny? Nailbunny told me to apologize to you for, you know, trying to kill you last night, so yeah. I'm sorry. I like monkeys..." Once more, awkward silence reeks in the vicinity. "Where were we? Oh yeah, let's go to the location of **the challenge**!" And with that, everyone cautiously entered the wormhole. In a flash of light, they arrived to their destination. It was sunset, and swirling fog laced the ground. Then everyone realized that they were in a forest. "Welcome everyone, to the Forbidden Forest in the realm of Harry Potter." Raven announced to the gang. "The challenge I am about to announce to you requires wit, stealth, and knowledge of the magical realm."

"We're doomed." muttered Haruko. Raven cleared her throat. It took everyone about five minutes to realize that there was something veiled behind her. "Behold..." She then whipped off the veil to reveal... "unicorns?" asked Danny. "Yes, ghost boy! _Unicorns_." The cage next to Raven housed two unicorns, one blue and one red. " the ruler of this realm has agreed to let you all in the Forbidden Forest. He also colored the unicorns with an awesome spell. Any way, your challenge is to track down and capture, _capture_, not kill, you team's unicorn. Team one, you will track down the blue one. Team two, you will track down the red one." Raven released the unicorns. In a quick flash, both had ran off into the woods in opposite directions. "A quick lesson before we begin: Unicorns are known to be among one of the fastest creatures in the magical realm. Usually they only allow females to approach it. Luckily for both teams, there is one on each team. Yes?" The Monarch had raised his hand. "The challenge is to chase down unicorns?(Raven nods) That's just gay."

The villain's comment was met with an all too familiar _WACK!_ Of iron wok to head-meat. The Monarch, who was knocked to the ground by the assault, stammered. "Wh-where the hell did you get that?(points to wok in hostess's hand)I don't remember you taking it with us when we left." Raven smiled evilly as she tauntingly swung the wok before him. "Among my talents of cooking and writing, I can also summon my weapon of choice from anywhere at anytime. I almost always choose an iron wok."

"Why?" Dib asked.

"Why what?"

"Why an iron wok?"

"I like woks. And it makes the story more funny." More awkward silence. "Okay, I think we gave those unicorns a good head start. Everyone, you've got till dawn to capture your unicorn. Let the games----------- begin!" No one moved. "Go on. Shoo." (Makes shooing motion while still holding wok.) Everyone headed off in the direction their unicorn went. Raven sighed. "Whew! Glad that's over." The spooky wormhole opens up, and Raven leaps through, momentarily stranding the gang in the Forbidden Forest.

Five hours later-

"**_WE'RE LOST! WE ARE HOPELESSLY LOST, OH THE HORROR OF IT ALL!"_** Zim's pessimistic voice echoed throughout the forest. Brock picked up the Irken by the head. "You've been doing this for three hours! Shut your yap and maybe the werewolves following us will think we've died and leave us alone." The Monarch panicked. "Holy Crap! There's werewolves in this forest?" Haruko let out a sarcastic "No, only fuzzy rabbits and leprechauns."

"I AM THE BOX GHOST!" I'm not gonna even bother to mention who said that (y'all know who it is)

Meanwhile, things weren't looking too good for team 1 either-

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

_SLAP! _"Stop your screaming, Dib! It's only a bunch of spiders!"

"These aren't ordinary spiders Anna! They're as big as a **_moose_**!" Danny cut into their little fight. "I'd hate to interrupt this magical moment and all (sarcasm! I love it!) But **_THE MOOSE-SIZED SPIDERS ARE CLOSING IN!"_** It was true; the team was surrounded, and there was no way out. Or so they thought. _"Grrrrrrrr..." _Chupy had let out a growl far more haunting than a Tasmanian Devil's screech (believe me, that's one sound you don't want to hear). The little baby then took a predatorial stance, and attacked. The teams's faces flinched at the carnage they witnessed. Danny shielded his eyes, Edward's left eye twitched in terror, Anna covered her mouth with her hands so as not to let her breakfast make a grand exit, and Dib covered his hears so that the sounds won't haunt his nightmares. When everything was said and done, there was nothing but spider guts and other remains in the baby chupacabra's wake. "Remind me to never get on Chupy's bad side." Edward said to Dib as he stepped over the carcass of a spider that had his guts eaten from the inside out. Dib walked over to Chupy, who grinned an innocent(not to mention toothy)grin at the paranormal investigator. "Well, I guess you're not all bad." He said to his 'baby' as he picked the little creature up and followed the others out of the hollow.

(A/N: Sorry I haven't been updating! Our cat had kittens! Ohh, they're sooooooo cute! There's about six of them, and three of them look just like their mother! One is black, he's a little feisty. Another is black and white, he just stares at me in a creepy matter, and the grey one- well, he's just there(but still adorable nonetheless). His name's Zugibe!)


	8. ch 7: Hadgrid a ukelele & 1 spaC centaur

Ch 7: Hadgrid, a ukelele, and one spacy centaur

(A/N: pre-senting the longest disclaimer I ever wrote so far in my fan-fiction-writing hobby/career-thingy!)

Disclaimer: Until I can get my zombie army to get off their lazy asses, I don't own any of the shows I pull their characters out of and/or are making fun of. **Enjoy this chapter or suffer my zombie army!** Hey! (Pokes nearest zombie soldier) Get off your lazy ass and go conquer some TV shows!

(Zombie soldier passes out) Are you drunk again? This is the last time I let Zombies set up a fraternity in the ranks...

"I hate this show, I hate the Dib, and I especially hate **_that Hippie_**!" Zim was ranting his woes unto the nearest living thing: The Monarch. "Hippie? Who the hell are you talking about?"

"The Raven! That's who I'm talking about!"

"Pu-leeze! You think Raven is a hippie?" Haruko broke into the conversation. "You! Quit eavesdropping and sit still in the clearing and wait for the unicorn to show up!" Haruko wasn't going to take The Monarch's orders so easily."Who do you think you are? Mr. King Butterfly Man?"

"What did I tell you guys about shutting your yaps? We were lucky to get away from those werewolves by telling the Box Ghost that they had recently eaten something box-shaped and that he could control them."

"You think he'll be all right?"

"Haruko, he's already dead, it's not like he's gonna be ripped to shreds or something-"

"BEWARE!" Making a grand entrance, The Box Ghost showed up. "Speak of the devil..." The Monarch ignored Haruko, who abandoned her post as bait for the unicorn. "Great, you got rid of the werewolves." No response from The Box Ghost. "Y-you did ditch them, right?" The Box Ghost pressed his transparent palm to his forehead, deep in thought, which looked like hard work for him. "Uhhh..."

"AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"...no" Right on cue, three werewolves leaped out from the bushes. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" everyone screamed their lungs off(except Brock of coarse.) The said bodyguard just cooly flipped out his survival knife, prepared to fight a battle to the death. But just then- " off with yeh, you lily-livered pups! Off with yeh!" The figure that emerged opposite of the entrance the werewolves had made was truly one to behold: He was two times as tall as the average man, and five times as wide; he had a semi-long, wildly tangled beard. Yes, Harry Potter fans, you know who I'm talking about! Unfortunately for team 2 though, they didn't. Seeing Hadgrid as a bigger threat, Haruko charged into battle with a ukelele. She leaped into the air and raised it above her head. "Yahhhhhhhhhhh-" and brought it down onto Hadgrid's head, only to have it break without fazing him. "Ukelele no good." she ranted to Zim, handing him the remains of it. "Where did you get a ukelele?" Zim panickly asked the other alien, who shrugged. "How should I know?" Hadgrid picked splinters from the ukelele out of his just as tangled hair. "Ah, you five must be the contestants I've been told about. Or at least half o' them."

"Who are you? Are you stalking us?" The Monarch asked their new friend, who waved a large hand at him. "No! I was just instructed by a creepy-looking girl ter keep me eye open fer a dysfunctional group o' five. You folk seem ter fit the bill."

"Well other than being creepy, what did she look like?" Brock asked Hadgrid. "Well, firs'ly she wore glasses, an' had frizzy black hair. Come ter think o' it, she was quite short, stood abou' five feet, give or take an inch." The group gasped. "The hippie!" Zim screeched. "How many times do I have to tell you? Raven's not a hippie." Haruko was getting sick of Zim. Why didn't she join Anna's team when she had the chance? Why? **_WHY!_** Tell me why! (Clears throat) Anyway, moving on...

"Where are we?" asked the locationally challenged paranormal investigator. Edward shrugged "I have no clue. Danny?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Anna?"

"Shut up. I need to concentrate."

"On what?"

"I'm trying to summon the spirit of someone who died In the forest to help us."

"Oh, great, that'll give us a lot of luck." Danny's sarcastic remark was punished with 500 crunches and 300 one-handed push-ups. "Ow. The pain" was all he could say after the first 5 minutes. So anyways, Anna went into this trance thing and summoned– "The Box Ghost?" Edward asked. The said ghost looked around. "Uh, why am I here?"

"Ugh! Forget it!" And with that, Anna sent him back to where he was taken from (you'll find out in a moment) And then, suddenly, out of the blue, A herd of centaurs rode towards them and surrounded the five adventurers. "Halt, and identify yourselves, humans... and creature." The centaur's leader said to them. Dib, the one with the most knowledge of the magical world( which was, I think, the extent of one picture book he read in kindergarten) spoke. "Greetings, masters of the forest. I am Dib. This is Edward"

"Hey" (waves mechanical hand)

"Danny, who is too busy being punished to answer."

"Ouch"

"Anna, who is busy punishing Danny."

"You call those push-ups! Double-time! Triple-time! NOW!"

"And the baby chupacabra is Chupy, who quite literally came out of my head."

"Squeak!" The leader of the centaurs gave Dib a strange look. "That's...a little bit weird." he said. Then, the centaur leader (let's just call him Jeremiah. Why? Because I like that name!) Cleared his throat. "Well, anyways, the human by the nickname Raven told us you would be coming."

"She did?"

"Yes, she did. She also told us to assist the first team we see, so...I guess we're supposed to assist you five." Dib raised an eyebrow. "But I thought centaurs never listened to humans."

Jeremiah chuckled. "She told me the large-headed one would ask a lot of questions, so I'm assuming she was talking about you. Well, you see curious one, Raven so far is the only human we even bother to respect. I guess it's because she didn't cal us half-breeds like that horribly large toad-looking woman..." Jeremiah trailed off from what he was going to say, for he was encountering a bittersweet flashback( bitter because of Dolores Umbridge, sweet because she got her just deserts). "Hello? Are you still with us?" Danny, who had in record time completed his punishments, waved his hand in front of the black-haired centaur to see if he was entirely there or not. "Huh? Oh, yeah. I think the unicorn went..(points behind him)...that way." Team 1 blinked. "That's how you're assisting us?" Jeremiah shrugged at Edward. "That's all the producers would allow us to do. Oh and that reminds me.." Jeremiah leaned in to whisper to Dib. "Watch out when you go that way. There's a patch of Devil's Snare that's mighty tough to cut through." But before Dib could ask Jeremiah what a Devil's Snare was, the centaurs bounded off in the direction opposite of the team's destination.

(A/N: After this, I might not update for a while, for I am visiting my grandparents in Idaho. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, and they've got a Hot Topic where they live, so I can get the boots I've wanted for such a long time! Yay! (Hops up and down with joy) I have no clue where the story is going now, I just have some crazy events to put into the story; all of which came from two sources: real life, and my head! Can you guess which is based on real life? If so, congratulations! Here's a muffin (hands reader a muffin) It's blueberry! Enjoy the super-tasty muffin!)


	9. ch 8: Beware of doughnuts!

Ch 8: beware of doughnuts!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. If I didn't have a home, then I'd be a hobo! And a very creepy one at that...

"...and that's why I'm a supervillan" The Monarch was explaining his life story to an uninterested alien by the name of Haruko. Team 2 was pointed in the right direction by Hadgrid (who was meet with the same response as team 1 & the centaurs) and have since parted ways with them. Anyway, Zim in turn was talking to the Box Ghost. "That horrible Dib! You can't imagine the things he's done to me, the pathetic worm-pig-weasel-PIG!" The Box Ghost nodded in agreement. "I know whatcha mean. Danny hasn't been too nice to me either." Suddenly, an idea came to Zim. "Hey, why don't we team up? The mighty ZIM could use an ally in these hard times of reality TV" More nods of agreement from The Box Ghost. "Cool idea. And after we destroy your foe with your advanced technology, we can destroy my foe with my marvelous box-control powers! Or we could get em' both at the same time, whatever you'd like is cool with me." Zim's eyes lit up. "Excellent idea, Box Ghost! We could win this challenge and laugh at their pathetic cheesy DOOM while we savor or sweet prize of- what was the prize again?"

"We'd go to Disneyland"

"No, Haruko, It couldn't have been that. I'm sure it was a doomsday device or something."

"Sure Zim, in your own dysfunctionaly defective mind." Brock couldn't help but listen; he was, of coarse, handcuffed to Zim (don't ask; to make a long story short, They argued aboutthe purpose of clocks,and to make matters both random and worse, Haruko handcuffed them together to see who would kill the other first.). "Curse you Haruko, CURSE YOU!" Haruko shrugged. "Hey, I gotta keep myself entertained somehow..."

"Shh! There it is!" The Monarch pointed to a clearing up ahead. Sure enough, there stood the red unicorn, munching on some raspberry bushes. "Haruko, you approach it first." Brock said to the pink-haired alien. "I thought you weren't interested in the challenge."

"The sooner we get the unicorn, the sooner we can get out of here where I can be alone." Clearly, Brock wasn't a very social person.

"Ahhh, get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!" Dib ,meanwhile, was thrashing ina tangling plant, now knowing exactly what a Devil's Snare was. Edward was doing a little better than Dib; he was, of coarse, the Full Metal Alchemist. In a flash of light, Edward transmutated the Devil's Snare into harmless flowers (except they weren't harmless to Chupy, who is in fact allergic to pollen) "Achoo! Achoo!" The little chupacabra sneezed like that until they were clear out of range of the flowers. Danny, feeling sympathy for Chupy, picked him up and carried him, who let out a grateful 'squeak!'.

"Hurry! It's almost Dawn! Grab the unicorn!" Haruko ignored The Monarch's yells as she approached the red unicorn. The creature stared at her, silvery eyes tearing into her soul. Suddenly, the sun peaked out of the mountains and pierced past the trees.

Back to team 1, the wormhole opened up in front of them as Raven climbed out. "Time's up: the challenge is over." with the flick of her wrist and a snap of her fingers, the scene changed as both teams were gathered together in some sort of dark void. "Were are we?" asked Dib and Edward at once('cuz it seemed like something they both would say) Raven glanced at the inquisitive teenagers. "We are in a limbo of both worlds. Correct that, we are in a limbo where _all _worlds and alternative universes collide: Basically, it's where my mind is most of the time"(wow, that would explain allot)

"Facinating" said an uninterested Zim. "Now tell Zim: who won the challenge?"

A long pause for dramatic effect on the reality TV veiwers, then the commercials. When we go back to the show...

"Both teams won." While team 1 was confused, team 2 (or maybe just Zim) was outraged. "What! Why do they win along with _**Zim's**_ superior team? They didn't even catch their unicorn."

"About that, allow me to explain in two steps; Step 1: look behind team 1." everyone did so, and lo and behold a blue unicorn stood there, lazily chewing on one of the flowers Edward transmutated. "Step 2: the rules of the challenge state that by dawn, anyone who is within 20 feet of the unicorn automatically win the challenge. Since both teams achieved such a requirement, it's considered a tie."

"NO! I refuse to tie with the Dib's filthy team." Haruko ignored the other alien's rants. "So, does this mean we both get to go to Disneyland?" Raven laughed. "No, no one is going to Disneyland! Now let's get back, I made couscous and shis-ka-bobs. Yes, Dib?"

"I know what shis-ka-bobs are, but what's couscous?" Everyone else nodded in agreement. "It's a middle eastern pasta. They look a lot like tiny pearls. In shape, not color. Quite bland unless you add spices and meat and/or vegetables to it.(All this I learned from personal experience and Good Eats. That's my favorite cooking show!) Also, you should see what I made for dessert!" Curious to what Raven made for dessert, everyone ran through the open wormhole leading to their temporary home. In a flash they were back in the unkempt home that belonged to Nny. It was night. "Hey, Raven, where is Nny?" Raven perked up her head at Danny's question. "You don't have to worry about him tonight Danny. Today is Tuesday, and the aliens always come for Nny on a Tuesday." Yes, I know what you're gonna say: I overusethe awkward silence."Now! To dinner! And afterwards...doughnuts!"

The week passed, and still no one came to announce the next challenge. Untill...

"Ed! Come out and face me! You have some explaining to do." Someone had drawn a transmutation circle on the icing of a cake that was meant to celebrate The Monarch's Birthday, when suddenly- "Ahhhhhhhhh!"-the doorbell rang. Raven walked to the door, who was for no apparent reason accompanied by Zim. Both took turns peering through the peephole, and both took turns screaming. Imediently, everyone was simultaneously summoned to the living room. "Who is it?" Asked a very drowsy Haruko(it was still morning)

"THE KEEF!" shouted Zim. "THE DEZI!" shouted Raven.(to IZ fans: if any IZ show was exatly like my life it would be 'bestest friend' mostly because I happen to know someone who just WON'T GO AWAY! THAT CRAZY STALKER/ CONTROL FREAK! ) "Edward, open the door, and I won't send you to the dimension of exploding chickens! NOW! And if she asks for me, say I died in a freak kidney-spleen fusion accident" But it was too late for both Zim and Raven; for both creepy stalkers invited themselves in. The instantly recognizable redhead was accompanied by a skinny and tall girl with short black hair. Both waved. "Hey Zim!" greeted Keef, waving to Zim. "Hello, Raven!" Dezi copied, but waved at Raven. "I haven't seen you in a while Zim, mostly because everytime I came near you, you would run up a tree and not share the acorns you had with me"

"I haven't seen _you_ in a while, Raven. Where have you been?"

"Faking my death and changing my name. Neither one worked out, considering you're here now..."(I am so cruel)Out of nowhere, someone in the street(who sounded a lot like Gir) shouted "Monkeys!"

"Oh, that reminds me..." Dezi reached into her purse. Raven, thinking it was some kind of durable net, flinched and hid behind a rickety, termite-eaten chair. But instead, Dezi plucked out of her hell in a handbag a letter. "The contestant's next challenge." Dezi announced, holding out the letter to Raven. Cautiously, Raven snatched the letter out of Dezi's hand. Zim shouted. "There! Now that you have completed your task- LEAVE! GET OUT OF HERE! BE GONE WITH YOU!" Dezi, now realizing that they had worn out their welcome (finally) grabbed Keef and made a hasty retreat. "Why do the producers do this to me? First they send my love interest, then they send my life's version of Keef! What next?" oh how I would regret saying those words.

(A/N: Hey, I'm back from Idaho! Cool place. Anyway, In the author's note concerning the kittens: I made a mistake: The black and white cat is a she not a he- I named her Rosemary! My parents are gonna let me keep her! Hooray for me! (Clears throat) back on the subject concerning Idaho, I had fun...even though I spent all of my money on beads (don't worry- I had enough for the boots). I now have a Favorite store- It's called 'Pandora's Baubles and Beads'. If you're ever in Idaho Falls and love beading you should check it out- it's now my favorite bead store, even if their stuff is expensive.

And now, w/o further warning and/or ado, Here are the responses to my reviewers:

to SaiyanKing Vegeta: I see you've read my other story. I'm experimenting, to see if I can keep track of two stories at once: so far success. Oh, and I give you permission to borrow Brandy.(the person, not the drink) And, last but not lest, yes, I did read the 6th Harry Potter book. How long did it take me? (Trying not to brag) 3days(hey, when I get into a book, I get into a book)

To Invader Iza: Wow, I'm pretty embarrassed that I guessed wrong about it being a song and not a poem. I'm such a hermit. Anyway, thanks for the Inuyasha idea- I think I'll use it for the last challenge- the one I've got for the next chapter is just too damn funny!

To ZeNfindr: Despite my question being rectorial, you answered it anyway: and in doing so revealed a hole in my writing! No! I forgot that Alphonse didn't fell pain cuz' it's just his soul in the armor! Oh well, the damage on my story has been done...

P.S. If anyone wants my recipe for couscous, please say so in a review, and I will post it in the next chapter. Ok, so I don't care if anyone wants my recipe or not - I'M POSTING IT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER ANYWAY! Sorry I yelled, I'm a bit stressed out from the ride home.

P.P.S.- while I was in Idaho, I tried some huckleberry ice cream- you, dear readers, should try some..._**it's delicious**_.)


	10. ch 9: doomsday device

Ch 9: doomsday device

Disclaimer: Okay, Rosemary, say the disclaimer!

Rosemary: meow

translation: My adoptive mommy doesn't own anything- but we love her anyway.

(A/N: my apologies to those who love Wal-Mart. It's gonna be bashed a lot in this chapter(and possibly the next). McDonalds is just as safe from my doomy flames.)

"So, what's the challenge?" asked the annoyingly curious paranormal investigator. "In a moment, I'm still reading the letter." Raven snapped. The more she read the letter, the more she turned pale. "Oh no...no! Not...**_there._**"

"Where? Where are we going?" Haruko asked, taking a sudden interest in the challenge. If this location could cause such fear and loathing from their hostess, it must be somewhere exciting. Raven, taking a moment to calm down, took a sharp inhale. "Everyone- the place we are about to go to is so vile, so–**_diabolical_** that we can't travel there directly from here. We have to go to–(waves her hand in the air for dramatic effect)— McDonalds! There is enough evil there to safely transport us to **_that place_**. Yes, Danny?"

"Are we going to hell? Cuz' you're making it sound like we are." Raven cast the teen a dark glare. "No. Where we're going to is worse...**_far worse_**."

"Could you stop writing your most emphasized words in bold, italic, and underline at once? You're freaking out the readers."(Danny) Everyone turns to your computer screen to see you trembling in fear(or crying tears of laugher, whichever suits the plot better) "Okay I'll quit it. Now, LET'S GO TO MCDONALDS!"(wow, I never thought I'd say that, considering how much I hate McDonalds)

Finally, after enduring three hobos and a demented crow with no eyeballs(that horrible nightmare... it haunts me...)The gang finally made it to their destination. "We didn't really finish our breakfasts, so let's eat here!" At Haruko's suggestion, Raven made a hissing sound . "No! I can't eat that food- it makes me sick."

Zim, who held the same veiw, gagged at the smell. "This filthy place! I'd burn it to the ground if we didn't need it so much." Raven glared at the Irken 'invader'. "You're reading my mind- GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Everyone took a step back from Raven, her sanity following suit. "Well, uh..(clears throat) um...okay..." In a random moment, Raven opened a portal to..._**that place.** (Danny: hey, I thought I told you not to write in bold, italic, and underline.)_

_(Me: It's my fic! I can do anything I want! I can even do...this! (Attempts to send Danny to the Ghost Zone, but fails) what happened to my portal-opening powers?)_

_(Skinny producer (I forgot his name)_ _you can't open two portals at once. It's in the contract.)_

_(Me: CURSE YOU MTV! CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!)_

Back to the story-

"Let us go to..." Raven shoves everyone through the portal, to reveal a very large building in the middle of a town that, in turn, was in the middle of the desert. "...Wal-Mart!" (Ok, due to the author's note you probably expected this, right? I mean right? Yeah, I'm right...**_this time_**.) "Uh, why are we here? And why does everyone look realistic?"

"For the challenge, Edward, for the challenge. Oh, and this is my home dimension. Now, If you guys just walk to the entrance, you will easily find your guide for this challenge." The monarch stammered. "Bu-but aren't you coming to?" Their eccentric hostess shook her head. "This building is hollowed ground for me, therefore I cannot enter it. Unless I were to wear a hat but since I forgot to pack one before the show started you guys will have to fare without me." When they where one third across the parking lot, Raven shouted, "oh, and one more thing: you're still in the same team you were in the last challenge." Instantly the gang started to scatter. It was as if someone strapped giant repelling magnets to their heads as everyone stuck to their designated teams. Now that they were in their proper teams, they headed off to that hell hole called...Wal-Mart!

"Hmm...maybe I should cook ham for tonight's dinner." Raven contemplated as she walked off to her Yamaha scooter, which was black with blue flames(I love blue flames!)Suddenly, the sky went dark. The wind blew Raven's...well, raven hair about. Looming in the atmosphere was a _**massive red ship**_. At the bridge of that ship stood two towering figures. "Hurry! Grab the doughnut-making human! Don't let her get away!" One of the figures shouted at the pilot who was in control of the teleportation beams. Out of the red ship shot a greenish-blue beam, and Raven (along with her scooter) were teleported into the ship.

But enough about me, let's see how our contestants are doing...

"AHHHH! It's you! WHATAREYOUDOINGHERE?" shouted the brash invader, pointing at- drum roll please- Gaz (rejoice, Gaz fans!) "Shut up Zim. I'm only doing this because those producers promised me the latest Game slave _before_ it becomes available to the public." Dib stared."Gaz? I thought you were kidnaped by bloodthirsty wolves."

"Close enough." The Monarch, who was the last to join the group in their mission of doom, raised an eyebrow at the spooky girl. "Who're you?"

"Monarch, this is my sister. I think she's our guide for this challenge." Chupy gave a 'squeak!' and waddled over to Gaz. But before the baby chupacabra could hug her, Gaz whipped out a portable doomsday device and aimed at Chupy. "So, is this another one of your obsessions Dib?"

"Hey! That's my Doomsday device! Give to Zim!"

"No Gaz! Don't shoot! Raven will kill me with her iron wok if you hurt Chupy!"

"Whose this Raven chick?"

"Stop talking about that hippie and give the doomsday device to ZIM!"

"She's our hostess. She took in Chupy because I didn't want him but since Chupy came out of my head I'm supposed to watch over him during the challenges-"

"Shut up, pathetic earth monkey and tell your sister to hand over the doomsday device to Zim!"

"Stop arguing and let's get on with the challenge already! We've already wasted five minutes listening to the three of you argue." At the Monarch's words Gaz sighed and threw the doomsday device into the parking lot, where it blew up and incinerated an army of advancing, Wal-Mart-hating purple frogs(too bad). "Hey! That was my doomsday device! You owe me another one, Dib's sister!" Zim was shot with a glaring look. "Forget the stupid doomsday device Zim! Say another word to me about that and I'll make you wish I was never born." And with that, Dib's scary sister trotted off into the horribleness of low prices that is Wal-Mart. The gang followed suit.

(A/N: end of chapter 9! Sorry I didn't update in the time I usually do. My stomach was upsetting me. Damn that ham sandwich to Wal-Mart! Opps. There I go, bashing Wal-Mart- **_again_**. In case you haven't noticed, I really hate Wal-Mart. And McDonalds. And Turkeys(which, so far, haven't made an appearance yet in this story) But I do have some obsessions. Like Mangos. And kidneys. And scooters(as you can see in my other fictions) but anyways, here I am, once again writing a lengthy description of how I was late in the updating.

Anyway, here is the super-cool Couscous recipe! Serves 1.

Ingredients:

1/3 cup couscous

1 spoonful of chicken broth (or vegetable stock if you're a vegetarian)

2 spoonfuls of olive oil (optional. It's o.k. if you don't use the stuff; this is cooking, _not_ baking!)

1 pinch of garlic salt (optional if you're allergic to garlic!)

½ cup of water(not optional)

2 pinches of basil (fresh or dried, I don't care)

1 ½ pinches of Italian seasonings(?)

½ cup or more of meat and/or vegetables (if your using meat chicken, beef or pork does best. Ham's okay too.)

1 small bay leaf (caution: the human body cannot digest bay leaf and is only present in this recipe to balance out the flavor of the meat and/or vegetables- so take it out & throw it away when you're done cooking!)

Pour water in a small saucepan. Adjust heat to medium high. Add the chicken broth/vegetable stock, olive oil, garlic salt, basil, just everything but the couscous and the meat and/or vegetables. Cover top and allow to boil. When the water is boiling, add the couscous and meat/vegetables and stir till liquid has evaporated of the couscous is tender. Spoon into a bowl and enjoy!

There! If you try it out, I hope you like this recipe. If you want to, you can adjust this recipe to your own tastes. Don't worry, I'm not gonna send mutated vermin after you! readers who are culinarily inclined breath a sigh of relief)


	11. ch 10: Magic Marker

Ch 10: Magic Marker (or: lists!)

Disclaimer- I'm a broke fool with nothing but a computer and a dream- to write really cool fan-fictions!

Raven gazed at the scenery around her. Buttons on every control pad whirred like a whistling firecracker. Lights flashed as systems were checked and diabolical plans were executed. At one half of the room was a large window overlooking the now shrinking Earth.(they were getting further and further away from the planet) The skilled cook gripped the handle of her scooter nervously. In the middle of the room stood a platform, and on that platform was-

"Greetings, human. I am Tallest Red, and my co-ruler here is-"

"Tallest Purple."

"-yes. Anyways, we are the rulers of the Irken Empire." Raven gave an unconcerned look. "That's very nice. What am I doing here? Return me back to Earth!" (wow, I just sounded bipolar there, didn't I?)

"That brings us to the point. We have heard from a reliable source that you are skilled in making doughnuts and other baked goods."

"Yes! You're here to be our pastry chef!" Tallest Purple blurted out. Raven crossed her arms. "Was it Zim who sold me out? Huh? Huh? Huh huh? Huh?-"

"Yeah, pretty much." the captive human whipped out of her pocket a small book. Inside it said this:

_Revenge list:_

_Jonathan _

_Anastasia_

_Bobby_

_Mary-Sue_

_The Keebler Elves_

The list goes on, so I'm not going to mention everyone who ruined my life(or at least tried to).Anyway, Raven crossed out 'Jonathan' and wrote in it's place 'Zim'(A/N: You need to do something really cool to get off **_my_** revenge list. An example will be in further chapters) (2nd A/N: Jonathan's not off the list! He only earned the place of being the second victim) "Umm... am I getting paid for this?" A slight pause before Tallest Red speaks. "No"

"Damn it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Pay attention everyone. I'm only going to say this once." Gaz the Spooky girl spoke as passing bystanders stared at the animated crew nervously (unless you're in Reno, you don't see animated characters in our world very often) "This challenge is going to be a scavenger hunt." everyone groaned with disappointment. "What? A scavenger hunt?" the Monarch questioned. "C'mon! Scavenger hunts are for kids."

"You're a kid Edward." Whispered Haruko in her I'm-a-smart-ass tone of voice. "And you're just a stupid adult who doesn't know how to grow up."

"And you're short." That was what set him off. Edward attacked Haruko in an ungentlemanly fashion while Haruko counterattacked with her super-cool guitar. "HEY! I'M NOT FINISHED."

Gaz yelled to the quarreling duo, who stopped they're bickering as if on cue. "Anyway, here's a list of what both teams will be looking for. You have three hours to locate these items. See ya later, If you need me (like I'll ever help you) I'll be in the arcade in Round Table." (A/N: to explain the Round Table thing, the Round Table at my home town has an arcade. There used to be a place where the building's only function was arcade games, but they closed it down for reasons that escape me even today) Everyone looked down to the list before them:

_a purple, mutated chicken_

_a doomsday device (of DOOM!)_

_a basket of organic fruit_

_something that says 'I like dogs to! Let's swap recipes!'_

_Pandora's Box_

_a giant demon squid_

_huckleberry ice cream_

_something that's smarter then your average bear_

_a golden backscratcher _

_Elijah Wood in his Hobbit costume_

"**_What is this_**?" shouted the eccentric alien who was called since the day he was born 'Zim'. Dib relieved Zim's sole duty of holding the list. "None of the things on this list can be found here, especially a basket of organic fruit..." meanwhile Haruko and Anna paid special attention to one item on the list, which you will find out about in the next paragraph... "And where are we going to get huckleberry ice cream? We're in the middle of the (bleep)ing desert! No (bleep)ing huckleberries grow in the (bleep)ing desert!" The editing team at MTV went over ever 'F' bomb the Monarch dropped.

Haruko and Anna grinned at each other. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Haruko whispered to her roommate/ temporary adversary. "Yep." And with that, both girls whipped out a magic marker. Shouting the best war cry they could, Haruko grabbed Zim while Anna grabbed Dib. Each girl wrote something on their captive's forehead. When they emerged, both enemies had on their foreheads in bold letters:

**I LIKE DOGS TWO; LET'S EXCHANGE RECIPES! **

"One down, nine to go!" Haruko proceeded with the peace sign (or, as anime fans like me know, 'V' for victory) "Dib rubbed his aching head. "The world has gone mad." he muttered.

(A/N: end of chapter 10! In case you're wondering about the golden backscratcher thing, watch 'The Thief & The Cobbler'. You'll get the joke after that. Your probably wondering about the 'smarter than your average bear' thing to; it's an expression that my sister uses all the time. Anyway, sorry for the late updating- I got grounded for chasing the neighbor's chickens.)


	12. ch 11: Resisty Rocks!

Ch 11: Resisty Rocks!

Disclaimer: The evil turkeys hypnotized me to say "I do not own anything."

(A/N: Sorry this chapter is late- damn you school –DAMN YOU TO THE PITS OF ALTERNATE REALITY!)

"Hurry up with that batch of doughnuts, human! The Cannon Sweep is about to start!" Raven toiled over a rather large deep-fat frier. Immediently after she was abducted, the pilots of the Massive plotted a course for a planet on the verge of conquest, and Raven was forced to make the snacks. "Don't rush me! You rush a doughnut-maker and you get crappy doughnuts!" For that retort, Raven earned an electric shock. One of the Tallest's minions strapped a slave collar on her earlier to make sure she wouldn't think of escaping without a little reminder of why it was futile. "Hey, what's that ship up ahead?" Purple asked. Red glanced down at the controls. " It's not on the radar." Seeing this as a chance of causing mischief, Raven finished up with the doughnuts and slipped away from her post to find her beloved scooter, which was taken down to the cargo hold.

"There's the Elijah! **_Let's get him!_**" Coincidentally, Elijah Wood had come to Wal-Mart wearing his Hobbit costume as a result of losing a bet.(A bet he made with the producers of MTV! **_Coincidence? I think not!_**) And was now being chased by Zim's team, with Zim in the lead. The Irken stopped the pursuit and brought out of his PAK a portable doomsday device (how did that get there?). He aimed at the confused, fleeing actor and fired. Elijah dodged the attack, which blew up the shoe department.

Back to The Massive, Red and Purple exchanged expressions which can be described as 'What the hell?' expressions. Suddenly, a beeping sound came from one of the control panels. "My Tallests! Their hailing us!"

"Well, then don't just stand there! Open a connection!" Red barked at the speaking pilot, who responded immediently. And, in just as long as it takes to take out the trash, silhouettes emerged on the really big screen. "Identify yourselves." The silhouettes burst out with laughter. "Oh, come now, you know who it is." Purple might have forgotten whose voice it belonged to, but Red remembered. "You're that Vortian leader of the Resisty!" The lights switched on as the identity of the Resisty (now in a new, better ship they stole from the set of 'Star Trek' (I don't know which one because I don't watch the show) I'm leaving the look of the ship to the reader's imagination hehe. I'm such a lazy writer). The crew didn't change much, only there was a slight number of other Vortians who were angry when their couches were taken away from them the moment they were conquered(especially that Vort couches were the Universe's most comfortable couches to exist) "Yes, I am that said leader! And now my crew and I are here to strike fear into your squeedly-spooches and wreak havoc on your ship." Red's only reaction to this was a smile. "That will never happen. Fire the Grand Laser Cannon of Impendingly Crazy Disaster and Doom!" An Irken engineer moved forward. "But, sir, we're still testing it. We haven't worked out all of the kinks yet." Red whipped his head to the protesting engineer as Purple snacked on the doughnuts Raven had made. "Get that cannon ready to fire. **_NOW!_**" there was so much threat in their leader's voice that they had no choice but to obey. Or, they would have, if the ship didn't give such a horrible jolt.

Meanwhile, Raven had snuck her way down to the cargo hold via air ducts (or were those tunnels up there built in for the hell of it?) And was looking for her scooter. "I know it's around here..." Raven was interrupted in mid-rambling as one of the hatches opened so suddenly that she let out a yelp of surprise (I tend to be jumpy at loud noises and sudden movements.). in a quick move, she ducked behind a metal crate before whatever was coming saw her. "What was the plan again?" asked a voice. "We're gonna steal all of the snacks from the Irkens to feed our growing resistence and it's gonna be awesome!" Shouted a unusually perky voice. Raven decided that if these aliens were involved with a resistence against her captors, then her best chance of getting back to Earth to continue hosting a crappy reality tv show was to talk to whomever was in the same room with her. She emerged from her hiding spot. "Hello" she waved at the two aliens (one was the little floating cone thing and the other was the one who came up with the name 'The Resisty') The two screamed, then, after a moment, calmed down. "Don't do that!" Shouted the one with the brilliant ideas(sarcasm!). 'Yeah, man, you could poke someone's eye out with all that craziness!"

"I just said 'hello'. How could you poke someone's eye out by saying 'hello'?" The two aliens paused and exchanged baffled glances. "It just...happens." they shrugged. "Anyway, to cut to the chase I've been captured and held against my will to make doughnuts and cookies and other snack-like foodstuffs. This might sound cliche, but, will you take me with you?" The two shrugged. "I guess if it's all right with the boss." At this, Raven hoped onto the metal crate and pointed melodramatically at the air "You will not regret your decision!" Instantly, the metal crate collapsed under the author's weight due to poor constructing. Inside the metal crate was–dun dun dun– the author's scooter! (OK, I _know_ you saw that one coming) A deviant smile spread across Raven's face.

While the two aliens were raiding the Massive of their snack supply, Raven was creating a little 'distraction'. **_"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA— _**pauses to breath**_— WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _**Raven laughed o-so-manically, racing her scooter this way and that, causing mayhem, destruction, and, my favorite activity, hitting random people upside their heads with her now infamous Iron Wok of Catastrophic DOOM! "The crazy human is rebelling! Quick, the shock collar! Why isn't the shock collar working?" And then Tallest Red saw, with utter horror, as Raven approached him brandishing her weapon of choice, that she had repeatedly stabbed the collar until it stopped functioning with a ballpoint pen. Epically she raised the wok. "RESISTY RRRRRRRRRROOOOOCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSS!" And with a hollow BANG, the chapter ends.

(A/N: Here are some responses to those who reviewed so far:

Invader Iza: I should download a chapter where the content's nothing but people on my hate list and reasons why. I don't know why I haven't done that before.(p.s: I know how you feel about that creepy old guy from Six Flags. Every time I see him, I either change the channel temporarily or squirm in agony(that's when my sister is in control of the remote))

Lilicat93: To answer your question, I hate Wal-Mart because it's taking over my quaint little town like Medical Mechanica was taking over Mabase (they're currently building a super-Wal-Mart), and I hate McDonalds because it's encouraging obesity in today's society.

DreadedCandiru(who probably won't read this) : YOU HAVE NO CHILDHOOD! I'm serious: my writing is for people who _like_ insane humor- it's the blood that keeps us alive long enough to get through the day. Who cares if the word random isn't funny? I like that word so **_SHUT UP!_**

Anyway, I was kinda burnt to a crisp with DreadedCandiru's flaming review, who, by the way, has no idea what he/she is talking about because they haven't written a single story. Thus he/she has no experience when total strangers read your work and doesn't know what it feels like to be flamed! DreadedCandiru, may your first story get so many _flames _that you will be beyond well done when the flaming process is over!(or will it be over? Dun-dun-dun!))


	13. ch 12: Complimentary Peanuts

Ch 12: Complementary peanuts

Disclaimer: I'm broke! I don't have any money to buy the rights to **any** of the shows featured in this fanfiction!

"Spleenk! Shlooktapookis! What have I told you two about bringing in strays?" Aboard the Resisty's ship, the said resistence group were throwing a celebration party over the successful raid. "But Captain! We freed her from the Irkens!" Spleenk gave the captain the same look a little kid gives after they find a little kitten. "Can we keep her? Please?" Raven stepped up to speak in her defense. "Allow me to introduce myself. My alias is Raven Stargazer. My real name I will not reveal to readers because, frankly, it's none of their business. I thank you all for helping me. All I ask of you now is to take me back to my home planet Earth." The captain of the ship thought for a moment. "Earth, now where have I heard of that planet before? Computer, open up the 3-D map of the universe." instantly the room went dark. Those who hadn't a clue to what was going on jumped at the change of scenery. Those who did know what was going on just stood there. Like a log, or some other inert object that you would find in the woods. Anyway, the room filled up with green light as spheres one would call planets and stars materialized in front of their eyes as a 3-D map. "Computer. Locate the planet Earth." The plane on the 3-D map shifted and enlarged at a certain area. It stopped at Captain Lard Nar's request."Hey! That's the planet we nearly crashed into!" Shouted Shlooktapookis enthusiastically. "Of course" Lard Nar stated in realization. "That was back during our first act of resistence." Raven gazed curiously at the captain. "What happened?" Captain Lard Nar shook his head and waved his right hand at her. "You don't want to know." flashback over, Lard Nar perked up his head. "Wait a second! Isn't there an Irken stationed there?" Raven nodded, "he goes by the name of Zim. I have a personal grudge against him now, considering that he blabbed to his leaders about my snack-making skills." Raven flipped out the small book I told you about one or two chapters before this one. "See! He's at the top of my revenge list!" The angry writer shoved her revenge list into Lard Nar's hands. Carefully, he read it's contents. "Why are the Keebler Elves on the list?"

"I choked on one of their club crackers when I was little." An awkward silence, which I can't help but put in my work, filled the room. "Well, uh anyways, since you to bear a personal grudge against the Irken Empire, how would you like to join us in our fight for freedom?" Raven shrugged. "Well, I've always supported fighters of freedom. And now I hate the Irkens after this little misadventure, so Okay." Lard Nar leaped from his chair. "I now declare you our Earth operative! Hooray for you!" The Captain turned to Spleenk. "Spleenk, get the box and bring it here." Spleenk did as he was told. Lard Nar looked to the new member. "What size of clothes do you normally wear?"

"Last time I checked, I wore medium." Instantly, a medium-sized gunmetal-grey uniform was thrown Raven's way and, losing her balance upon contact with the uniform, she properly introduced herself to the laminated floor. "Inside the pockets of your uniform you will find a communicator watch, identification card to fill out, and three packages of complementary peanuts." Raven paused from snacking on one of the packages to ask Captain Lard Nar a question. "How do I fill out the identification card?"

"It's very simple. Here, let me show you." The captain took out of one of the many pockets of Raven's uniform a shiny, bright green card. "Hold out your right hand." Lard Nar instructed the new soldier. When she did, The Captain pressed a small button on the side of the card. It came to life and bit the end of Raven's index finger. "Ouch!" she exclaimed, drawing back her finger once the card let go. The card whirred and clicked. In a squeaky voice, the card spoke:

_Raven Ophelia Stargazer_

_Blood type: O Positive_

_Home planet: Earth_

_Identification number: 470802B_

_Rank: Earth Operative_

"Wow!" Exclaimed Raven. Captain Lard Nar handed her identification card over. "We'll contact you with the communicator watch when we need you."

"What kind of stuff will I be doing?"

"Mostly just keeping an eye on that Irken you call 'Zim'. Occasionally you will be called to duty should any threat come to Earth that we really need destroyed." Raven smiled. "Sounds like fun." Lard Nar nodded. "It is." Captain Lard Nar turned to the others. "Resume the party. I need to work on getting our Earth operative home." The Captain approached a door and motioned for Raven to follow. He led her to what looked like a small parking garage for spaceships. They stopped in front of a stealthy looking spaceship. "This one hasn't been used in a while, so I'm giving it to you." Raven stared open-mouthed at it. "It's so shiny..." Captain Lard Nar ignored her comment. "I'll set the ship on auto-pilot. That contraption you were riding is already in there, so you can go now if you want." After Lard Nar set the ship on auto-pilot, Raven climbed into the open cockpit. "Captain Lard Nar?"

"Yes?"

"Later." But just as Raven was about to take off, The Captain stopped her. "I almost forgot to tell you: you must not tell anyone of what transpired here. Keep your allegiance with us a secret. If this Zim you speak of finds out, he could blab to his leaders and they could track us down and destroy us." Raven nodded. "Okay. I wasn't gonna tell anyone anyways. Mostly because they think I'm crazy. Bye." And with that, the ship was launched, and oh, lets say, less than an hour later, Raven crashed in front of the parking lot of Wal-Mart, where everyone was waiting. "You! Where the hell have you been?" The Monarch shouted at Raven as she climbed out of the ship, overcome with space-travel-related nausea. "You...don't want to know." she told the temperamental villain, taking out her scooter(which, stored in the trunk, was her Resisty uniform). She did a double-take when she saw the building she hated most in flames. "What happened?" Raven asked anyone who would respond. "Zim blew up Wal-Mart trying to capture Elijah Wood." responded Haruko. "Zim..." Their hostess turned to Zim. In an unexpected moment, she gave him a hug. "What the- get your hands off me you stinking human!"

"Zim, you're off my revenge list for blowing up Wal-Mart!" But, in a sneaky manner, Raven crossed her fingers and smiled evilly._ "Just you wait Zim. I'll get you back for selling me out. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but my revenge will come **someday.**" _Little did everyone know that inside, Raven was laughing the most evil laugh she ever laughed.

(A/N: another chapter finished! Anyway, I looked at the end credits of the Invader Zim episode 'Backseat drivers from beyond the stars'. That's where I found out the names for the characters. Anyway, to clear up some confusion, Shlooktapookis is that cone-shaped alien and Spleenk is the one who came up with the name for the Resisty Captain Lard Nar is, well, Captain Lard Nar.

Til' next chapter, see ya later!)


	14. ch 13: It's Delicious!

Ch 13: It's delicious!

Disclaimer: Das Schwein sucht mich heim...und einige Leute denken, dass ich verrückt bin. **_Translation:_** The pig haunts me...and some people think I'm crazy.

"So... what's for dinner?" Edward asked their hostess curiously. Raven was loading her scooter back into the storage pod of the spaceship she came back from...well... space in. "Okay- the good news is that the food's ready. The bad news is that it's at my house and we have to go get it." The hostess closed the door to the storage pod. "All right! Everyone into the ship! Now!" Dib raised his hand. "Why?"

"Because we need to get there fast. And we need to leave this vicinity before the cops show up." Raven climbed into the pilot's seat and waited for them to follow. When everyone was in the ship (it was big enough to fit all of them) It was Danny's turn to ask a question. "How is it bad news that we're going to your house?" Raven sighed as they took off. "You'll find out in a moment." about five minutes later, they landed in a gravel driveway. "Everybody out!" shouted their hostess. They obeyed without question, and beheld the sight before them: grass surrounded a tan house with light green trimming like a moat as a concrete path led from the garage to the front door. Wherever there wasn't grass there was straw-yellow cheatgrass or bare ground. On the left side of the concrete path was an herb garden which consisted of thyme, rosemary, lemon thyme, woodruff, and sage to name a few. These herbs were most likely used in cooking. Chickens scattered this way and that as Edward, Dib, Brock and the others treaded across the moat of grass. "Why are there chickens here?" Asked The Monarch. "The neighbors had an overpopulation of chickens who moved over to our place. Well, the neighbors aren't complaining..." Familiar mews echoed from the backyard as five tiny, furry kittens emerged out of no where. "Sen! Fu! Voodoo! Pandora! Rosemary!" Raven petted the little fluff balls of cuteness as they rushed up to greet her. "Which one's which?" asked Dib. "The tabby with the white paws is Sen. The pure tabby is Fu. The black one is Voodoo. The grey one is Pandora, and the little black and white one is Rosemary." Edward gazed at Raven. "How do you remember their names?"

"I'm just as surprised at her as you are." Everyone looked up from the kittens (who, instantly getting bored, decided to run around the yard chasing each other. Yeah. They tend to do that a lot) At the doorway, wearing Pink Floyd pajama bottoms and a AC DC T-shirt was a woman who looked like an older version of Raven. She had the same green eyes as Raven, but the woman's hair was shoulder-length and brown with a dash of cinnamon and a wisp of winter in it.

"Mom" Raven uttered the loving title from her lips as she went over to her mother and gave her a hug (hey, I'm not ashamed to hug my mom in public. I'm moving out in a couple of years so I'm cherishing the time I have at home with my family) "I missed you."

"And I saw you on TV. I must say, I'm a little bit leery about that crazy guy-"

"Mom! He's under contract not to kill anyone on the show. We'll be fine." Just then, a roar filled the crisp air as a small white Subaru Justy pulled up. Out of the car came a girl taller than both Raven and her mother. Even though this girl looked nothing like Raven, you'd still swear that the two were sisters. The girl shot Raven a dark look. "Raven... **_YOU USED MY CONDITIONER AGAIN DIDN'T YOU?"_**

"**_WELL YOU USE MY SHAMPOO, SO DON'T YOU COMPLAIN TO ME!"_** Everyone's jaw dropped at how loud these two yelled at each other. **_YOU NEVER HELP ME TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM!"_**

"_**I'M NOT THE ONE WHO LEAVES THE TOWELS OUT!"**_

"_**CRY BABY!"**_

"**_BULLY!"_** And this wonderful dispute was settled the only way all sibling feuds that involve yelling are settled: duke it out in the living room WWF style!. Long story short, it ended in a tie, with Haruko referring. Raven, leaving with the food in a bad temper, went into the ship after loading the food in the storage chamber. **_"ALL OF YOU! GET INTO THE SHIP!"_** everyone, fearing retaliation, obeyed without question. As the ship rose, their hostess opened a portal. "Where are we going?" Ed asked. "We're going...to the feudal era!" Raven, forgetting her sister for the moment, said this in a melodramatic tone. With that, they were whisked away to feudal Japan. They crash-landed in a clearing deep in the woods. Out of the mess of arms and legs that were Dib, Anna, The Monarch, Zim, Danny, and Hauko, (the Box Ghost hovered placidly smug above everyone else) Edward spoke out. "I have a question; Why does your driving suck?" The now familiar _twang!_ Of the iron wok Raven refused to part with rang throughout the spaceship. "If you guys didn't want to end up in a dog pile, all you had to do was **_WEAR. YOUR. SEATBELTS. They're there for a reason!"_** While trying to get up, Danny accidentally hit the "eject" button. Instantly, pawns in reality TV and their hostess was hurled from the ship. The food followed, hitting trees and bushes in their wakes. Raven immediently went to retrieve the food. She returned triumphant, carrying the plastic bowels that held their food. "Behold, the marvels of Tupperware!" She shouted to the heavens. Raven's battle cry echoed across the forest and reached the doggie ears of a certain half-human, half-demon.

That morsel of information set aside for future use, the gang gathered around a picnic table that somehow ended up in the clearing (let's just say that it was part of a teleportation experiment. The scientist in question failed because he really wanted to send the picnic table to the 70's for feminist protesters to stand on. How this has any relevance to the plot, I have no clue.) Anyhow, the table was set, the food was out, and everyone dug into the food. Well, almost everyone. "Zim! Why aren't you eating the baked beans?" Zim glared at Raven as he inquisitively poked the reddish blob of beans and the sauce they swam in with a fork. "How do I know that these beans won't burn my superior mouth? Huh? Zim demands to know!" Out of nowhere, Haruko loomed behind the Irken. Armed with a spoonful of baked beans, the manic, pink-haired alien shoved the spoonful into Zim's mouth, her smile the envy of a Cheshire cat. "Baked Bean Attack!" she shouted. Zim writhed in pain for about fifteen minutes(that's his reaction time)until he realized-

"Wait a second! These beans aren't burning me! And...(smacks lips) It's...**_delicious!"_**

"Must be the molasses. Yes'em." Raven recited in a southern drawl. Zim leaped onto the table, spilling the punch and tipping over the hush puppies (dear god no! Not the hush puppies!)

"Unhealthily skinny human! These baked beans are delicious!" In the background, Haruko was singing. "Delicious, nutritious, scraminitious, chalka knaka, pina colada-"

"Silence!" Zim shouted at Haruko, who ran off into some bushes. "Anyway, GIVE ME THE RECIPE!" an eerie silence filled the medieval air (you thought I was gonna say 'awkward' weren't ya?) "I can't "

"What?"

"I can't give you the recipe. It's a secret." Zim, infuriated **_beyond_** the fury of Hell, stepped on the defenseless hush puppies. "Dear God no! Not the Hush puppies!" Raven shouted. Her enhanced moment of melodrama was interrupted. Zim had picked up a lone, unsmashed hush puppy and threw it at Raven. It would have hit her square in the forehead had not a clawed hand snatched it from it's previously determined path. Everyone turned their heads to see a tall guy wearing a red kimono. He had dog-like ears protruding from his ghostly white hair. He sniffed at the greasy prize he held in his hand. "What's this? Smells good." The guy popped the hush puppy into his mouth. **_"SIT BOY!"_** In a flash of light, the kimonoed stranger flopped to the ground, as if meeting it for the first time after a fifty-foot drop. A girl in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform emerged from the bushes (not the bushes Haruko is currently hiding in.) "Inuyasha," she scolded, "What have I told you about eating other people's food when your not invited to eat with them?" Inuyasha turned over in the hole he made from his fall. "Wait until they invite you." He said in an annoyed tone of voice. Kagome smiled innocently. "Exactly."

(A/N: Hey Everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a LONG time- lots of stuff have been happening lately. I tried home-made hush puppies (hence my obsession displayed in this chapter), Went to a craft fair(few days ago in another town), is going to attend a craft fair tomorrow(I rented out a booth. Yep! Still aiming to sell jewelry!) Befriended the owner of a music store (she's pretty awesome for a woman in her 50's(I'm guessing).She's been playing guitar for 40 years!) And I learned to play 'Santa Lucia' and 'Ode to joy' on the keyboard. Anyways, I've made an important decision: After I finish up this story and "The Girl Who Came from All That Space" I'm going to temporarily retire from fanfiction and focus on writing a horror story. I have all of the ideas in my head, I just need to get it down on paper! Oh, and in case you were wondering, the disclaimer above is written in German(or was it Norwegian? I forgot which). Rocks! )


	15. ch14:Attack of the Sock Demon Queen!

Ch 14: Attack of the Sock Demon Queen

Disclaimer: (singing off key) I'm the poorest fan fic writer in his-tor-y,

So I see no point in big companies suing meeeeeeee!

(A/N: Hello my wonderful readers! Here is the Christmas special of TRHOM, which is four pages instead of two. Merry Christmas/Haunaka/Kwanza/Yule/whatever holiday you celebrate around December!)

"Oh no no no no." Raven, ignoring the newly arrived guests, rushed over to the crashed spaceship.

"Oh no no no no. (slight pause; rips out a few wires from a randomly chipped area) **_no."_** The Monarch couldn't take all of the 'no's. "What the hell are you babbling about?"

"When I crash-landed, I think...I think I broke the engine." Edward smirked behind the sweet cornbread he was eating. "Told you your driving sucked." five milliseconds later, Ed found himself dodging chunks of detached metal flung at him shuriken-style by Raven. Finally he was temporarily felled by a five millimeter wrench. "Critique my terrible driving one more time and I swear I will send you to a place more horrible than Wal-Mart!" Edward, knowing now Raven's endless hate for Wal-Mart, cringed at the thought. When she ceased her screaming tone Raven dove into the engine room to see if her broken-engine hypothesis was correct. Kagome and Inuyasha just stared at this motley crew of soon-to-be reality TV victims.

Just then, Miroku and Sango showed up, followed by Kilala and Shippo. "Where's Naraku huh? Where? Where? Where?" Judging by the way Miroku was trembling, and on how hyper-active he was, the MTV producers had gotten to him and forced-fed him a Red Bull (which, in fact, _doesn't_ give you wings, but high blood pressure) "Miroku, calm down." But he didn't clam down at the sight of Zim. He didn't wear his disguise. "IT'S THE DEMON!" Miroku shouted. Sango had no choice but to knock him out with the enormous boomerang she had strapped to her back. "Sorry about Miroku." Sango apologized to Zim, "But he's been a bit odd since those men in strange clothing kidnaped him." Raven came to join them with her personal damage assessment.

"Yep. They force-fed him a Red Bull all right. He'll simmer down in a few months." Zim glared at the unconscious Miroku. "Zim is no demon!" He shouted indignantly in the monk's ear. Everyone ignored the green alien. "Well, I've got good news, and I've got bad news."

"Can you tell us the bad news first?" Dib asked. Chupy squeaked in agreement (I totally forgot about him!) "No"

"Why not?"

"It won't have an emotional impact on the readers. And it'll be less confusing if I give the good news first." But, just when Raven was delivering the status of the spaceship, the heartless, cliff-hanger-loving producers cut to a ten minute-long commercial about the dangers of leaving pyros unsupervised in a fireworks factory. The show was back on when the factory was a smoking ruin(and the pyros had accidentally burned their eyebrows off) "The good news is I've found out what the problem is."

"And the bad news?" Brock questioned in a bored manner. "The bad news is, I don't know squat about anything with an engine. Oh, and my portal-opening powers don't work for a randomly unexplainable reason." This is the part where everyone who knew what the hell was going on started to panic. Everyone who had been aboard the ship screamed as if someone had feed an apocalyptic squirrel (see the note at the end of this chapter if you don't get the joke). "We can't go back? Are you serious?"

"If I was kidding, Monarch, there would be dancing bears in tutus to finish the joke!" Anna stood up. "Your saying that we're stranded here?"

"I am serious! Do you have to frisk me for nonexistent dancing bears?" Miroku, who had came to, had a grin at the thought of this. Raven, who at the moment had gained the powers of mind reading, wacked him upside the head with her favorite cooking utensil. "Turn that thought into reality and I'll aim lower." she warned. Danny sighed. "So, I'm stranded in the feudal era of Japan with two eccentric aliens, a misanthropic bodyguard, an alchemist, a paranormal investigator, a guy in a butterfly suit, a cranky spirit medium, The Box Ghost, a baby chupacabra and a fanfiction writer who's obsessed with mangoes. I have nothing to look forward to when we do get out of here but two more weeks with them and a homicidal maniac who wants to kill me. CAN MY LIFE GET ANY WORSE?" A roar responded to Danny's rambling shout. "Did I even have to ask?" What emerged from the medieval trees was a demon. But it was no ordinary demon...

"That's the demon we've been tracking for three days!" Sango shouted. Miroku immediently sobered up from the Red Bull and stood beside Sango. "Inuyasha," Kagome announced to the half-demon, "I see a shard of the sacred jewel. It's in the demon's forehead!"

"You fools!" shouted Raven, "Do you not realize who that is? It's the Sock Demon Queen!" Ed was confused. "Sock Demon Queen?"

"Yes! Bees and ants have their queens, and so do sock demons!" Everyone stared at Raven in confusion. "What the hell are sock demons?" Raven answered The Monarch's question. "Sock demons are the most pesky, dangerous demons you'll ever encounter. Yes, they are defenseless on their own, but that's why they travel in packs. Just think of those little raptor-thingies in the Jurassic Park movies, only their primary diet is socks and not human flesh."

"So they won't attack us?"

"No Danny, not unless your wearing socks. Then they'll chew off your feet. Most sock-demon victims don't survive because their fangs are venomous- like a Komodo Dragon!" With those words hanging over everyone's heads, anyone who was wearing socks cautiously removed them from their feet and put them in a pile. Instantly, little reptilian-looking creatures emerged from the bushes and gathered at the pile. Soon a frenzy started, as two sock demons started disemboweling each other over a pair of Halloween socks. "It's like a big steak dinner to them, holiday socks" Ravenmuttered to Dib (who was wearing the said socks) "Had you been wearing those when they attacked, well, It'd be quite a mess." Ignoring Dib's horrified looks, she continued on, "I mean a mess mess, you know? Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have _nothing_ on them. Yep. And they'd save you big head for last." Dib was about to shout to Raven for the somethingith time that his head wasn't big when, "Hey everybody! Check out my new Christmas socks!" The sock demons, having perfect comprehension of the English language, turned their little diabolical heads to Haruko. She had emerged from the bushes, standing atop the picnic table in her bunny costume, proudly sporting on her high-heeled feet festive red socks with green wreaths and reindeer, complete with bells. The sock demons salivated at the sight of those Christmas socks. "No!" Raven jumped in between Haruko and the sock demons, brandishing not an iron wok, but a water pistol in each hand. "Run Haruko! Run while you still can! And ditch the socks!"

"No way! I worked hard for the money to buy these socks!" The sock demons looked up to Raven with disgust. "Do you have a problem with my sandals? Do you hate that I wear them...with no socks? Eat this!" With that, Raven fired at the sock demons. But what came out of the water pistols wasn't water, but milk. "Taste on your course tongues calcium-fortified doom, **_sock demons_**! Bwahahahahahahahaha!" Everyone, including Inuyasha and his crew, stared at Raven in disbelief, then looked at the melting sock demons before them. "I don't believe it." The Monarch uttered(pardon the pun- **_again_**). "Believe it, butterfly man! It is my sole duty as a sock-demon huntress to eliminate them from existence!" A slight pause, "Don't give me that look. I have to hunt them. It's kinda my fault their here." Zim understood what Raven was talking about. "Are you saying that it was _your_ filthy mind that created them?" Zim growled at Raven's nod. "I've been plagued by those things for months! Curse you Raven! **_Curse you_**!" Raven slapped Zim with a sock demon's carcass. "Are you done cursing me? I'd like to beat the pulp out of the Sock Demon Queen so that I can get us out of here." Judging by everyone's confused look, Raven explained. "The Sock DemonQueen's special ability is to leave her victim powerless by taking away any special abilities they possess." She turned to Danny. "Danny! Attempt to go Ghost, and you will see what I mean!" Danny did what she told him. "I can't go ghost." He couldn't believe his luck. Edward tried to do alchemy, but couldn't. Chupy tried to eat the picnic table, but thought better of it. He didn't want to spoil his appetite and would end up having to skip dessert (oh how he loved his kidney pie). "The Sock Demon Queen can't use the abilities she's taken from us. Not yet anyway."

"What do you mean 'not yet'?" Raven answered Danny and Ed's question. "She's only taken our abilities to weaken us. But, if she eats us, she will absorb those abilities." Everyone cringed. Any sock demon that could open portals, walk through walls, and fix a radio by clapping their hands together was truly formidable. "Don't worry. I've got enough milk in this water pistol(holds up the one in her right hand) to defeat her, as long as we use it properly." With that, she tossed the water pistol to the only one capable of defeating the Sock Demon Queen- no, I'm not talking about Inuyasha. He gets enough limelight from his _own_ TV show. Besides, he doesn't know how to use a water pistol. "Me? Why?" Raven answered Dib's question. " Quality summer fun in the hands of a paranormal investigator such as yourself who used such a device to defend himself from his archnemesis, Zim. Dib- no one else has the experience you have to defeat this sock-devouring evil **I **created." She leaned in to whisper something to him. "Just aim for the eyes; that's the weakest part of the sock demon's body." Raven turned to Haruko. "Haruko! Make sure he lands on the sock demon's nose." Haruko saluted, then flourished her electric guitar. She reared it back like a professional baseball player ready to bat with intentions to win the game. "Remember Dib: do not hesitate, or she will devour you, Halloween socks and all!" Those were Raven's last minute words of advice as Dib was swatted into the air. Cameramen in helicopters hovered around the Sock Demon Queen in anticipation. Right on target, Dib landed on the Sock Demon Queen's nose. Her nostrils flared. Hot air streamed from them as Dib leaped back in surprise onto the demon's cheekbone. The Sock Demon Queen's eyes opened to stare him down.

Her eyes were a dark shade of red, as if all the blood of her victims collected into those fierce, sock-thirsty orbs. Dib could see his terrified reflection in the Queen's wet, moist eyes. Nothing scared him more right now than her blood red eyes. His hesitation became his liability, for the Queen tossed him into the air with a mere flick of her head. Dib ascended up, up into the sky, fearing the worst to happen when gravity would catch up with him to give him a ticket for speeding. Dib looked down; the Sock Demon Queen had opened up her jaws, ready to catch him in her mouth like a child tossing M&Ms into the air. This was it; he was going to die. Then he realized that he still had the water pistol in his hand. Eureka! He looked down again to see the Queen's eyes were still exposed. Dib aimed the milk-filled water pistol directly at the Queen's right eye (her right, not his) He waited. Dib could hear his heart beating. He decided to fire at the seventh heart beat. ( thump thump ) he was getting closer. ( thump thump ) Dib could feel sweat on his forehead. ( thump thump) closer still. To pass the time of waiting (it seemed like he was up there forever) Dib wondered what they would have for dinner. ( thump thump ) he decided it would be something with chicken in it.( thump thump ) closer... ( thump thump ) closer... ( thump thump) now. Dib fired. The milk hit it's intended target. Perfect! The Sock Demon Queen reared in pain. Dib, now out of the path of the Queen's open mouth, grabbed onto the wrinkled flesh around the Sock Demon Queen's left eye. Once settled, Dib fired again and again, the next shot more perfect than the last. He could hear a sizzling sound from where the Queen's eyes were melting from the milk. She swayed, and finally fell over dead, knocking down trees and other foliage. From the unsettled dust, Dib rose. Triumphant, he did the first thing he promised to himself he'd do if he made it alive; he hit Raven upside the head with the water pistol. "What was that for?" she shouted. **_"I. Could've. Died." _**Raven thought about this for a moment. "Okay, then. I deserved that. But look on the bright side- you're a hero! Tonight, we celebrate your victory with stew and illegal fireworks." Chupy, who suddenly became hungry, gazed at the Sock Demon Queen's carcass. "No Chupy, don't eat that- It'll give you indigestion." Chupy looked at the carcass hungrily, but decided not to risk indigestion(for if he had indigestion, then he wouldn't be able to have his kidney pie!) "Now..." Raven leaped onto the spaceship, motioning for the others to follow. She opened up a portal underneath and they fell in. "Back...**_to the future!_**" Inuyasha exchanged glances with his companions. "What the hell?"

(A/N: I finally updated! Now, for those of you who didn't get the apocalyptic squirrel joke, a friend of mine was reading the Sunday funnies when a certain cartoon caught her eye. I forgot exactly what comic strip it was, but the main character encountered talking squirrels that prophesied doom and destruction. He was about to feed one of them when he noticed a sign. It read clearly, in bold letters:

**DO NOT FEED THE APOCALYPTIC SQUIRRELS! **

Endless jokes followed from that point forward. Anyways, If you guys were wondering why I dragged the last part about Dib fighting the Sock Demon Queen out, well, here's my answer: I'm practicing. You see, I mentioned in the last chapter that I'm planning on writing a book. It's going to be a horror novel, and in horror you have to put anticipation in your work. Someone, anyone, please tell me if what I wrote was suspenseful or not. It'll really help- I promise!

Here is my response to the reviewes:

Invader Iza: Hush puppies are chunks of fried cornbread dough. Very tasty if you've patted off the grease properly. I found a recipe in one of my dad's cookbooks if you want me to e-mail it to you.

My Eternal Facade: Glad to know someone thinks I'm sarcastic. If you want real sarcasm, talk to my sister- I never won a debate with her. Wait...okay- an _official_ debate.

In case you're wondering about why I put sock demons in this chapter to the brim, Let me explain- On friday, during creative writing, I told a horribly comedic story with sock demons in it, and the only question I recieved was "What the hell are sock demons?" and it dawned on me; ever since their creation, I had ranted about sock demons but never got down to **_actually describing_**them. So, summoning what was left of my imagination after watching a three-hour marathon of 'the Surreal Life' (my sister made me watch it with her) I went down to describing what exactly sock demons were in this crazy world we call WordPerfect 12. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Until next time, don't play with fire(unless you know what your doing!))


	16. ch 15: The siege of house 777

Ch 15: The Siege of House # 777

Disclaimer?

This time the gang remembered to strap on their seatbelts. It turns out that the engine _wasn't_ broken; they just ran out of fuel. They were quite literally running on fumes when they crashed in the middle of a protest in the 70's. Hippies everywhere stared at the strange vehicle as Raven leaped out and ran into the crowd. "You! Human! Get back into this ship at once!" Zim demand was futile. "Look, there's something I _really_ need to do. It's really important to me so just sit back until I return." The hippies approached. Raven handed Zim a boom box and cranked up the music that was playing. "Hippies hate Rock music" she explained to them. "They'll keep away so long as the batteries keep." And with that, Raven disappeared into the crowd. "What is that human up to?" Zim asked no one in particular (not even himself). After 45 minutes of waiting, Raven emerged (bringing a plastic milk carton filled with peanut oil), ducking into the driver's seat and taking off. "Peanut oil? Is that what was so important to you?" Raven flung the carton to Danny. "Of course not! We needed the peanut oil to get back to Nny's house. What I got was this." Raven took out of her pocket a string of beads. "A trip to the 70's is nothing, I repeat, **_Nothing _**, without getting love beads." Edward sighed to himself. "Half goth, half hippie. What a conflicting combination."

"Hey!" Raven shouted, "I prefer the term 'Bohemian'." A moment of silence persisted. A narcoleptic cow had been rendered unconcious when-. "Danny!" Raven snapped, "Empty the peanut oil into the fuel tank. We need that to get home." Danny stared at the carton with a bland fascination. "This thing runs on peanut oil?" He questioned. Their hostess nodded, "The manual said it was peanut oil compatible." Danny did as he was instructed, then returned to his seat. They were traveling at semi-light speed when a thought ran across Haruko's mind. "Where'd you get this ship anyway?" Raven blinked at the question. "For your information, I– ohཀ we're here." Their not-so-mechanically-inclined hostess crashed into the now familiar front yard of Jhonny C.'s house. "Hurry! Into the house! Now!" Raven seemed a bit edgy. Now this was highly impossible due to the fact that Raven detested coffee and anything else with caffeine in it. They were all in the house, by Raven's forcing them in, in ecaxtly 1.34 milliseconds. They started worrying when Raven started nailing the door shut, complete with two-by-fours. "What the hell is wrong with you?" The Monarch raised an antenna-like eyebrow. "Are you high or something?" He interrogated in a cynical manner. Raven, now finished, rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the wok and a stainless steel strainer. "They're coming. I don't know why, but..._they're coming_." Everyone gave Raven a puzzled look as she put on the strainer as if it was a helmet. Brock, having enough of the eccentric's escapades, decided to go to his room. "Who's coming?" asked Danny, almost hesitant for the answer. Raven looked up to the ceiling. The beads on Anna's necklace shuddered. Chupy, who was napping under the sink, emerged in a comatose state wondering what was going on. "The ninja lawyers." Raven uttered in an ominous tone. A hole broke in the ceiling, and throngs of business suit wearing, brief case carrying, lawsuit wielding ninja lawyers poured down from the sky and surrounded the gang. "Raven," Dib growled in a virulent tone, "If we come out of here alive- I'm going to kill you."

Meanwhile, Brock Samson had finally traveled down to the hallway where his room was located. His hand was on the knob when he heard a scream. He looked down the hallway to see a young man and a young woman running. "And you just wanted to rest! Well go ahead! Nap! I'll just be running like hell! YOU STUPID IDIOT!" The young woman(whom everyone who is familiar with the comic book Jhonny The Homicidal Maniac call Tess) yelled this at the young man(not so much familiar, but his name is Krik) who were both fleeing in terror from a monster. Now it's kinda hard to describe this monster, considering it looks more like a jumble of monsters than just one monster. Just picture what a bowel of spaghetti noodles would look like about one month after it's cooked(I know- it's pretty scary). Anyways, it stopped at the sight of Brock. It raised it's tentacles, as if issuing a challenge at Brock. He whipped out his survival knife, and the fight began.

"What?" Back upstairs, Raven was flabbergasted. "Why are you going to kill me?"

"Well, these ninja lawyers have to be here for some reason."

"I don't know why they're here!" One lone ninja lawyer emerged from the crowd. "You forgot to write the disclaimer for this chapter." It was as if a timer on a microwave went off in Raven's head. "Oh is that it? Wow, I thought I forgot something." Everyone in the room stared in dumbfounded disbelief. Edward pointed at the author. "You...ditz!" The ninja lawyers congregated into a football-like huddle.

"What should we do?"

"She forgot to write the disclaimer. Does that mean she's not liable for legal penalty?"

"Of course she's liable! Whether or not it was deliberate doesn't matter! She must answer for this crime!"

"Wait- shouldn't we be preparing our case for that serial killer caught in Central?"

"That can wait!"

"Hang on! I know what we can do! Let's just settle this in small claims court and charge her a fortune!"

"It's brilliant!"

"Capital!"

"Remunerative!"(def.- pay (someone) for services rendered or work done.)

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." The group dissolved. "Miss, I think we have a solution. We shall-"

"Flee! Flee the house!" Tess and Krik came running out from points unknown, screaming their heads off. "Has Nny been holding people hostage again? I thought the producer fixed that problem before the contract was signed-" Haruko's words were cut short. I mean **_really_** short. Edward's height was **_nothing_** compared to the stature of those words-

CRASH! The monster emerged, Brock entangled but still putting up a good fight. He slashed at the monster with the survival knife, and greenish gloop splurged from the beast. It's equivalent of blood showered everyone, even the ninja lawyers. In a panic, the ninja lawyers whipped out their briefcases. In place of case files, there were weapons that every ninja lawyer is trained from birth to use: kunai knives, shurikein blades, and, the most important, restraining order forms Every one of the ninja lawyers threw kunai knives or shrikeins this way and that. And in all of that confusion, the fight (once again)began.

(A/N: He he, you guys thought I was gone for good right? Wrong! I complete all of my stories, no matter how long it takes of how lazy I get! Except for one story: The Girl Who Came From All That Space. I repetitively apologize for that story- It's getting too serious for my liking! Therefore, I am eliminating it from the site! Bwahahahahahaha! I love destroying! Ahem, anyways, the next chapter will definitely be the last one! I don't know if it's gonna be longer of shorter than the regular chapters, but I guarantee a guest star! Hint: he has faced aliens, the antichrist, giant dust mites, senile relatives, droves of zombie-like classmates and lived to tell the tale!)


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